Into the Black
by LadyEowyn23
Summary: This is the tale of Liara Hawke, a young woman looking to flee from the past that haunts her and seeks to hunt her down. The battered Firefly class ship Serenity may be the answer to her prayers and the crew the path to her future.
1. Welcome to Serenity

**Disclaimer**: I don't own Firefly/ Serenity or the places or people mentioned. Just Liara is my own creation.

**A/N**: This is my first firefly fanfic. Please read and review but no flames please. For those fellow Browncoats out there- this first chapter is like an introduction seen through Liara's eyes

_ Take me out into the Black_

_Tell em I ain't comin back _

_Burn the land and boil the sea_

_You can't take the sky from me_

(From the Ballad of Serenity)

I was picked up on Greenleaf like so many others. The people milled around me selling wares or their worldly possessions. Slaves were kept to the shadows but I knew they were there, along with the traders and the owners. Private auctions. The docks were a swarm with people of every walk of life, occupation and station of society. I was there for my own reasons. I needed a job and though the hailing board didn't mention employment I found myself staring up at a battered Firefly class ship. I liked the looks of her. Malcolm Reynolds. The captain's name struck a chord of memory that resonated with my father. I swung my sack over my shoulder and rubbed a sweaty hand over my dark blue tunic shirt; deep blue breeches met the dusty brown boots that covered my feet, they had seen better days. I took a deep breath and approached a tall man with light brown hair, blue eyes and a firm mouth that looked as if it was used to quirking quite often. He rubbed a hand behind his neck tugging on the red shirt he wore. A gun sat in a holster on his hip his tall brown boots matched his dusty brown coat.

" Excuse me sir, would you be the captain?"

"Yes, miss. Captain Malcolm Reynolds of Serenity, and this is Zoë my first mate.

Is there something I can do for you?" I glanced at the woman who stood by his side. She was tall with skin the color of coffee and cream her thick curly hair held off her face. She was beautiful but I sensed strength about her and felt she could deal with just about anything and keep a cool head.

" Yes, sir. My name is Liara Hawke. I was hopin' you were taking people on. If you're not boarding passengers I can earn my keep. I have some flight experience and I was a galley cook aboard a vessel for about three years. I got out almost a month back and made my way here. Though I'll be understanding if you don't need pilot, what with Hoban Washburne flying her." I smiled. Zoe looked at me.

" You know my husband?" she asked.

Husband? Huh. " Goodness, I never met him but they told some wild stories about him in flight school."

The captain crossed his arms and stared down at me.

" You understand we travel the outer rim, the edges of the 'Verse. Sometimes we go weeks or more without going planet-side. Is there a certain place you aimin' to get to miss?"

" I am only aiming to get away Captain, that's all." I rubbed my wrist and tugged at my shirtsleeve.

" It's not an easy life Miss Hawke. We get jobs when they come. Work's dangerous most times on the rim. Then there's Reavers."

I shuddered involuntarily and looked at Mal Reynolds. " My father taught me to handle weapons Captain. He fought for the Independents in the War."

" Your Pa was a Browncoat?"

"Yes sir. Marcus Hawke. He was killed in an aerial battle, he was a fighter pilot." I noticed a haunted look creep into his eyes. I looked down at my feet. " I 've been on my own since. I know how the world isn't the safest place, none of them spinnin' in the 'Verse are. I have seen it first hand Captain. I figure I'd be better off on a ship and out in the Black." I knew all too well what people were like, the ones who had no ideals, no code, those who were malicious and cruel. I just knew Malcolm Reynolds was different, he had to be. He and the woman conferred and Mal turned and put out his hand.

"Welcome to Serenity Liara."

I took it and smiled. "Thank you sir."

Mal's mouth quirked at the corners. "You might not thank me later."

Zoe took my hand in a firm grip. "Welcome aboard young one." I picked up my pack and walked up the ramp into Serenity's cargo hold.

"Go ahead and take a look around Liara, I'll be right there." Mal said.

It was a big open space with walkways, catwalks, metal grid flooring and stairways. I noticed cargo stacked and secured here and there, a workout bench and set of free weights off in a corner. I could hear Mal and Zoe talking outside. I walked over to the press bench.

"Hey, what are you doin'?" A male voice drawled somewhere behind and above my head. A broad hand landed on my shoulder. I didn't think about where I was, I just reacted. I grabbed the wrist and twisted, turning as I did so. He yelped. The man had brown hair; cut close, facial hair covered some of his strong jaw, blue eyes flashed as he looked down at me. He had a strong build, broad and tall. Normally I'd be attracted but I was just annoyed. I tried to throw him off balance but in my present condition and by the size of him, I couldn't do it. Instead I brought a knee up toward his groin but he blocked me, freed his wrist, grabbed me and crossed his arms across my chest pinning my arms to my sides. " Stay put would ya?"

" Jayne, What are you doin'?" Mal asked, he and Zoe stood a few feet away. They had apparently watched the whole confrontation unnoticed.

" This here wildcat attacked me Mal. I caught her sneakin' around and the _gorram_ chit just about unmanned me."

"And she would have done a service to the rest of the human race had she succeeded." Mal said seriously. I smiled and wiggled just a bit still clasped against Jayne's chest.

"You almost had him there. Jayne she almost had you." Zoe said looking smug.

"Jayne, if you are done manhandling our galley cook she needs to see the rest of Serenity." Mal nodded in my direction. Jayne let me go and I picked up my little sack of things and shot a look at him He was looking mighty confused.

"Cook?"

" Yeah. I'd advise you to keep your hands to yourself or next time she just may be faster than you Jayne." Mal turned and headed towards the back of the cargo hold to a rounded doorway. Jayne gave me a once over and smirked. It seemed he'd liked having me clasped against his chest. I rolled my eyes and followed Mal. We went down a few stairs on the other side of the entryway. I noticed a room, a little alcove with couches and a chair or two. Mal turned to me.

" Your Pa teach you hand fighting too?"

"No, sir. I learned in my… travels." I was surprised for a moment. I had been expecting a rebuke for assaulting a crewmember.

"You almost had him. A woman should know how to defend herself." I heard respect in his voice and tried to keep from blushing. He turned toward the small room partitioned off by its own outer walls and doors. " Here is the infirmary. Looks like the doctor is out, somewhere else about the ship." I looked into the cold white and silver space. A chair like exam table sat in the center, cabinets and counters bordered the walls. Trays of instruments were laid out and various unfamiliar medical equipments hung in their places. " Simon is a good medic, used to be a surgeon on a Central planet before comin' out here." Mal said turning and pointed down to the space to the right of the alcove. "Passenger dorms, your bunk will be there. Up here is the galley." He tilted his head towards a staircase.

We climbed it and found ourselves in a corridor and then we walked into a large room with warm gold colored walls painted with charming little vines and flowers. It was a standard ship's galley. Food and utensil compartments covered one wall. The stove and preparation area was to the back; a table sat in the center of the space with mismatched chairs around it and a light in the middle of the tabletop. To the right of the kitchen area was another alcove with multiple padded benches and comfortable looking chairs that sat beneath a row of skylight windows that would eventually show the starry expanse of the Black but now showed the gray blue skies of Greenleaf. An older man sat there, his salt and pepper hair pulled back in a short ponytail. His brown skin lined with age, the laugh lines around his brown eyes deepened as he saw the captain and I and smiled. He wore the gray, high collared shirt of a Shepherd. " This is Shepherd Book. Book this is Liara Hawke, Serenity's new cook."

"Pleased to meet you young lady.

"Same here Shepherd."

"Shall I prepare a room for Liara, Captain?"

"I'd fair appreciate it Shepherd. She still needs to see the rest of the ship." Mal replied. Book nodded and I followed Mal once more. We walked back the way we had come but then passed the stairway and entered what had to be the engine room. The engine itself sat in the center, its shield drawn back. I watched mesmerized as it turned slowly, Serenity's beating heart. I noticed a hammock strung in one corner but before I could examine the space further a scuttling sound followed by a clanking caught my attention. It seemed to come from under the engine itself. "Kaylee?" Mal called.

"Just a sec Captain." A female voice called. "Thought the coil broke off, that would have been a fine fix, but it was just the casin' was worn right through. She's good to go Cap'n." A young woman my own age, perhaps a year or two older popped into view near the spinning engine. Her brown hair was pulled off her heart shaped face, one cheekbone was smudged with grease, her cheeks were round and rosy and a big smile lit up her eyes. A colorful print shirt of Asian orchids showed from beneath her brown coveralls. " Who've we here Cap'n, a new passenger?"

"Crew. This is Liara Hawke our new cook. This is Kaywinett Lee Frye, Serenity's mechanic, best one in the 'Verse."

" Oh, Cap'n you don't have to get all flowery on me. Welcome to Serenity Liara. What do you think of her?"

I smiled. " There is a lot of history to her, she could tell many a tale. I think we are going to get along fine and she has a fine crew. Well, except for Jayne." I blushed as Kaylee laughed. I caught the Captain's eye and saw a smirk threatened to turn up the corners of his mouth.

"There is a tale there no doubt." Kaylee said.

"One that Liara will have to share later Kaylee. Still the bridge to see." We left the engine room. Once we stood once more in the passageway that was the back hall Mal turned to me. " We haven't discussed terms. No stealing from crews quarters or whatever cargo we may be carryin'. No drugs, unless the good doctor gives 'em to ya. I need a crew that is alert and in the right state of mind. No shirking duties. You answer to me or if I am not onboard, to Zoe. When you are not needed in the galley, you have permission to go throughout the ship. Exceptin' the crew's quarters or the shuttles unless invited. I think you will get along with the crew just fine; you may have to remind Jayne to behave. You'll get a cut from each job we pull off. _Dong ma_?"

I nodded. "Yes sir." He smiled.

"This way is the bridge." We went down back through the galley and around the corner to another corridor, the front hall. Hatch doors lined the walls. "Crew's quarters." My new captain said. I noticed one door had the words Kaylee's room painted in yellow with little flowers and the doorway was framed in little white lights. I smiled. The bridge was small. Lockers lined the walls of the hull. Two consoles with controls set before windows that showed the bustle of the docks of Greenleaf. Two worn, ratty chairs sat behind the controls, the man at the helm was wearing flight suit pants and a painfully bright tropical print shirt that clashed with his wild red hair. I noticed plastic dinosaurs and palm trees perched on the top of the control console where he sat. "Liara this is Wash, Serenity's pilot. Wash this is Liara Hawke our new cook. Says she went to flight school where you got your learnin'.

"Really? Wash swiveled in his chair.

"Yes, sir. Stories of your year are a favorite among the students. They say the chief throws darts at your picture."

"Wash? Famous?" Mal asked.

I glanced at him and grinned. "He is infamous for his flybys."

"Flybys?" Zoe asked, coming onto the bridge.

"Oh, you know…when you fly by a building, all the noise and the trailing…" Wash said nonchalantly waving his hand around absently.

"And what was this building you flew by dear?" Wash shrugged. Zoe glanced at me.

"Just the instructor barracks." I replied grinning. "You were part of the reason I went into flight school. My brother Jensen was a few years behind you. The stories he would share with me about your stunts and flying." My grin faded. Jensen. Grief closed its fist around my heart. I looked up. Zoe, Wash and Mal were looking at me. An odd silence filled the bridge. I shrugged. "It was a long time ago."

"I can show you your bunk if you'd like so you can get settled by take off." Mal looked at me for a moment.

"Sure." I glanced down at my hands and back at my captain.

" Right. Through here then. Let me show you the shuttle bays right quick." We went back to the cargo bay and walked across the catwalk "Shuttles one and two."

I took a step back when the shuttle door opened suddenly. Out stepped the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. She moved with quiet grace. Her dark wavy hair was pulled back with jeweled combs studded with red orange stones that matched the cluster of gems that were hung on delicate gold chain at her throat. Her gown fluttered as she moved, red orange as a sunset the satin looked as smooth as butter and winked with delicate beading. Her brown eyes smiled at me. "Who have we here Mal ?" I smiled back at her.

"This is Liara Hawke our galley cook and alternate navigator." Mal said. I noticed the captain look the lady over in a complimentary way. Apparently he liked what he saw. The lady held out a shapely hand to me.

" I'm Inara Serra. I'm a Companion."

Well, that explained a lot. I took the offered hand and shook it. I was a little confused. She was as out of place on a well-worn ship like Serenity as a swan in a hen house. My confusion must have showed on my face because Inara said, "I fly with Serenity for its business advantages. I can expand my territory and Captain Reynolds benefits as well." I couldn't help coloring slightly.

"Not _that_ way. Ms. Serra brings a presence that opens up opportunities that would otherwise be closed to me." Mal replied clearing his throat.

"I bring respectability." Inara added slyly.

Mal made a noise in his throat and I tried not to smile. There was an edge to their banter that made me think that there was more than a business relationship between the Captain and Companion. " I'll see you at dinner then." Inara smiled and walked down the catwalk and out of the cargo bay. Mal turned to me.

"Some folk are taken back when they meet a Companion. Doesn't hold with their scruples and such." That made me wonder how he felt about lovely Inara's chosen profession.

"Well, I have a cousin who is a Companion. We were close as children and until the War she would send me a wave every week. Sharra would tell me some wild stories about her Academy days. I used to imagine myself learning there beside her. "

" Yet you chose flight school. Do you think you missed your calling?" He asked with a smirk.

I grinned " While I find it fascinating, and would love to have the grace and poise it's all a bit too glamorous and …amorous for me." I glanced at Mal who chuckled. " I don't mean to jabber on captain. Its just nice to have someone to talk to."

" Hummph. Didn't have many folk to talk to on your last job?"

"Well…I…not many who wanted to talk to me." They were more likely to give me a bruise then speak directly to me, I thought.

We made our way back to the passenger dorms. Shepherd Book came out of one of the small chambers. They all had sliding doors and I noticed a second level of smaller sleeper pods. "I made this room up for you Liara. Mine is just there and across here is Simon's and River's is the next one over."

"River?" I asked.

"River is Simon's sister. She has been through some…hardship but she's healing." Book said.

"She's not always in her right mind. But most often she is harmless. Just needs some looking after and the doc does a fair amount of that." Mal added. The floor beneath us trembled slightly. "We are off." His eyes strayed back to me. " Get settled and then check out the galley again get acquainted and if you are for it you can make dinner, _Dong ma_?"

"Yes sir, and thank you Shepherd." They both left and I slid the panel of my room open and stepped in. There was a single bunk against one wall and hooks and a cabinet for storing things away. I set down my pack on the bed and sat myself. I reached into the sorry excuse of a bag and pulled out the remnants of my life. A life I would never see again.

. A battered old box scratched with one corner chipped off, a hairbrush and mirror, and an old static capture card. The image was blurry but discernable. There they were, my family before the War. We were all young and happy; all my brothers were home and my parents healthy and whole. I watched as we scrambled together to pose for the picture pushing and shoving lightheartedly. I placed the card on the cabinet beside the bunk along with my other treasures. I folded up the two other sets of tunics and trousers I had along with a headscarf and an apron and put them in the little hutch.

I let out a sigh of relief. I was finally off world again. I had been on Greenleaf too long. Long enough to get caught again. For some crazy reason I felt safer on Serenity than I had in a long time. "They won't look for me on the Rim that is for sure," I told myself. I shook out my apron and tied the scarf around my hair, pulling back the brown tresses; they brushed my lower back in thick waves. I had been threatened with a head shaving on more than one occasion. The scarf kept it out of sight and out of danger, plus it would stay out of the crew's food. The apron I tied at my waist. The once snowy surface was stained with grease and the remnants of past meals. So long ago, it had been so long ago. What was once unblemished and pure now carried the marks of a hard existence, of abuse, viewed as expendable and replaceable, now bearing scars. I ran my hands down, smoothing it. I turned to leave for the galley and bit back a gasp. A slender girl stood in my doorway. She was barefoot in a dark blue dress that fell to her knees, her brown hair in disarray around her shoulders. Her big, haunted eyes stared at me. "Hello I'm Liara, the new cook. You must be River."

She cocked her head at me. " Hawk in a cage. Want to clip your wings. Skin and blood. They hunt and they will find you."

I didn't know what to say. Chills traveled up my spine. "W..What?" I stammered.

"I don't know what you are talking about."

River took a step closer and ran her hands along the wall. " He won't let them take you." She said.

This girl was clearly not all there. "Who? Take me where?"

"River?" I heard a male voice call from the hall. "What are you doing in here? Oh, hello." A young man in a red waistcoat and white shirt stopped in my doorway. His dark hair and eyes were reminiscent of River's. This must be her brother. He regarded me with a wary look on his handsome face. " I am Simon, Serenity's doctor. I apologize if my sister was bothering you…miss."

"Liara Hawke, ship's cook. For a spell anyway." I shook his finely shaped hand, a surgeon's hand and dropped it quickly, rubbing my wrist nervously. I glanced back up at his face and noticed he was trying to assess me. Then his fine-looking features returned to their look of polite interest. But when he glanced at River a look of tenderness crossed his face.

He looked back at me. " Pleasure to meet you Liara."

"Pleasure's all mine doctor."

"Call me Simon, after all we will be seeing quite a bit of each other here on Serenity."

"Well then I will see you and River at dinner, Simon." I smiled. He returned a small smile and then tugged River out of my room.


	2. Dinner is served

**Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly/Serenity characters, places and things. Only Liara is a creation of my own. **

**A/N Thank you Angeldovey for reviewing! You made my week. Here is another chapter albeit a shorter one. It starts in Mal's POV and switches to Liara's. Enjoy and review. Please!**

" Right Wash. Keep this course and heading. We shouldn't run into any Alliance cruisers on this route." Mal said, peering over his pilot's shoulder.

"Yeah, well we shouldn't but we might. They seem to find us no matter whether we are looking for them or not."

"Right you are. Keep an eye out. Don't forget to get some grub when you are done. We'll see how good Liara's cooking is." Mal turned to go.

"Anything's got to be better than Simon's cooking." Wash muttered, turning back to his controls.

"Sir may I speak with you?" Zoe had stopped on the stairs to the bridge.

"Bout what?"

" Liara Hawke sir."

Mal cocked his head and crossed his arms. " What about her."

" I just don't see the sense of bringing another member aboard right now sir. We just got things quieted down and off the radar with River. I just don't think taking on a stranger, as crew was the best idea. I don't see how we can trust her."

" I thought you liked her."

"She is pleasant enough. Has a nice way. But we don't know anything about her. Remember those other times taking on new members or passengers? Call to mind where that got us? Two fugitives, an Alliance spy and a thieving hussy who nearly did us all in." Zoe crossed her arms.

"And now we have a doctor, the Alliance is off our tail for a while and Saffron wasn't exactly invited aboard if I recall correctly." Mal replied.

"Why did you ask Liara aboard?"

"You questioning my decision Zoe?"

"Just curious as to why Captain, that's all."

"Serenity could use a decent cook and the girl needed a job."

"That's all sir?"

"Trust me and trust her." Mal went to his hatch and pushed it open. "Zoe, I don't think she's an escaped prodigy from a secret Alliance project, do you? Don't forget you didn't take a liking to Wash when I first hired him on either, and look how that turned out." He stepped down into his quarters and the door hissed shut. Mal went to his Com screen and overlooked the Wave he had gotten from a regular contact on Boros without really seeing it. His mind took him back to those endless days and nights ducking enemy fire and trying to keep his troops alive. The days he truly didn't want to remember but never wanted to forget. Zoe was a constant reminder, albeit a good one, as was the very ship that was his home and haven. He was hopeful that it would be the same for this girl who had become a part of his crew. Only time would tell if his words to Zoe of Liara would ring true or come back to bite him.

I made my way to the galley and took stock of what there was for me to work with and prove to my new crewmates that I knew how to make a decent meal. In the coming months sometimes it would be hard to get much besides molded protein, especially if jobs were hard to come by. I looked through all the locker compartments and gathered some ingredients together that I could work with. A few crates stowed under the stove area yielded a few more. I tugged my apron knot a little tighter and tucked a stray hair into my scarf and got to work. Every now and then I would pause and wait as a wave of dizziness swept through me but I shook it off and went back to cooking. It wasn't anything I hadn't felt before. In no time at all I had a nice Pad Thai along with dumplings and bau ready for dinner. I turned as I heard someone enter the galley. It was Kaylee. Instead of her coveralls she wore a pretty green knit top with ruffles on the cuffs and her cheek was free of grease. She greeted me with a cheery smile.

" It smells great in here. Thought I'd help set the table." She went to one of the lockers and pulled out mismatched dishes.

" I'd be much obliged, thanks." I glanced down at my hands and frowned. They were trembling again. I shoved them into my apron pockets and cleared my throat. "How long have you been on Serenity, if you don't mind me askin'." I put the meal fixings in a large bowl Kaylee handed me.

"Oh, it seems so long now. Been a few years and I just lose count. Haven't seen my family in ages 'cept for a wave now and then from my pa."

I glanced up in surprise. " You left home to sail on Serenity? Left your family behind?"

"Yeah, I wanted to see the 'Verse, see what was on all those stars I used to look up at every night. Serenity is home now."

"But doesn't your family miss you?"

"Sure, doesn't yours?"

I paused as I placed dinner on the table on either side of the lamp. I was saved from answering as the crew started to trickle in. Mal came down into the galley. "Couldn't wait for you to announce dinner or nothin' had to come and see what smelled so good."

"Amen to that." Shepherd Book said as he sat down. Jayne came in next. He walked over to a locker and pulled out a bottle. He glanced over at me and winked. I gripped the handle of the wooden spoon and couldn't resist brandishing it just a little. Zoe, River and Simon came in and took their places. Inara floated to hers and smiled at me as I set out mugs and chopsticks for everyone. Wash darted in last.

"Our course is set Captain. We should be to Boros in a week and a half. Wow. Are those dumplings?"

Book bowed his head in grace and the crew dug in. I wiped down the countertop but made no move to join them. I looked up and found Mal looking at me. He finished his bite of dumpling and came over. The crew talked and laughed as Wash shared a joke. "Do you need anything Captain?" I asked glancing up at him.

"You made a fine meal. Come and have some yourself." He said quietly.

"Oh. Right. Of course." I stammered. _You forget where you are_, I thought to myself. _You don't have to wait for everyone to leave; don't have to wait for scraps like a dog._ I felt another wave of vertigo sweep over me. I gripped the counter but my expression never wavered. I won't have him thinking me weak. I tried to focus on something else but when I glanced up it was into my captain's eyes. They were very blue and very focused on me. I felt a blush start to warm my cheeks. _I really have to get myself under control._ I cleared my throat and smiled thinly. I untied my apron and left it on the counter and gently took my headscarf off and shook out my hair. Then I went to take a seat that Kaylee had thoughtfully set out for me.

" Liara, this is just wonderful." Inara said as I sat.

"_Sheh Sheh_." I said quietly, taking up my chopsticks and taking small bites.

"Yes, it is delicious." Added Simon.

Jayne belched and took another swig of something out of his mug. "Yeah sure tastes good with Mudder's Milk."

"With what?" I asked.

"Mudder's milk. You want a taste?" Jayne asked with a smirk.

Kaylee leaned over to me. "You really don't, believe me."

"Seems to me that you and Simon enjoyed it back on Canton, ain't that right Kaylee." Jayne said. I noticed Simon go pink.

"Jayne is a girl's name." River said in the quiet that settled over the table for a moment. I almost choked on my rice noodles. The rest of the crew had a chuckle as Jayne glared at River.

"Don't go startin' that again." Jayne jabbed a finger in her direction.

I tried to get back to my dinner. The small bites sat in my stomach like lead. It had been too long since a good meal. But even as hungry as I was my stomach clenched around the small amount I had eaten and faintness rose again. When Simon passed me the water pitcher I could feel his eyes take in my almost untouched plate.

Soon the crew had finished off what was left and began to get back to where they were needed. "Thank you for a fine meal Liara." Zoe said on her way out. It was the first time she had spoken to me since we had all met on the bridge. When I cleared the last of the plates Simon was speaking with Mal about medical supplies he might need and Kaylee was headed back to the engine room. " Liara, don't forget to pop in before you take to your bunk." She waved and trotted down the corridor. Kaylee was certainly easy to like. I had placed the dishes on the counter when sharp pain radiated through my stomach followed by lightheadedness. I swayed and turned my back to the captain and Simon as I fought for breath. This will pass, I thought. But another wave of pain made me double over and when I struggled to stand upright the dizziness had increased. I noticed Mal glance over and say my name as my legs crumpled beneath me and I passed out.


	3. wounded Hawk

**disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity characters, places and things just Liara is my own creation.**

**A/N Thanks for all who reviewed. Here is another chappie finally!**

Chapter 3

Wounded Hawk

Mal paused in his conversation with Simon. He noticed Liara turned away and bent over. "Liara?" Simon turned and looked at the girl as her legs gave out and she fell to the floor. Mal hurried to her side with Simon right behind him. The doctor felt her neck for a pulse. "She's still breathing Captain though her pulse is a little weak."

"What made her faint?" Mal asked looking down at Liara who was still unconscious.

"Hard to say. I know nothing about her or her situation, how she's been living before now, if she has any disease or disorder. I'll have to examine her before I can get answers. We have to get her down to the infirmary."

" Right." Mal leaned over and picked up his new cook. He cradled her against him and her head fell against his shoulder. He was shocked at how light she was. "Doesn't this girl eat her own grub?" He muttered.

"_Shah Muh_?" Simon asked.

" She weighs hardly nothin' doc."

"Hmmm. Well lets get her downstairs then."

When they reached the sick bay Mal put Liara on the exam table carefully and gently and stood back while Simon moved the lamp and went to wash his hands. She lay there pale and still.

"Did she tell you where she came from Captain anything about where she has been?" Simon asked as he went over to the table and rolled up his sleeves.

"Well, she mentioned a job she had about a month back that she had kept for a couple years. Since then she said she'd been traveling. Been on her own for a long time. Lost her father in the War. Other than that she hasn't shared much and I hadn't gotten around to ask her." Mal said quietly as Simon felt Liara's forehead.

"She appears to be malnourished and underweight, I'll have to do a scan to see if there is any internal trauma." He went over the display screen on the wall behind the exam table.

"Simon? Are you here?" Kaylee called from outside. She stopped in the doorway. "Liara! Captain what's wrong with her is she going to be okay?" She rushed to Liara's side. Mal put a hand on her shoulder.

"Kaylee, the doctor needs to work. Seems she is a little weak is all. Simon will fix her up proper don't you worry."

Simon looked over as he adjusted a dial on the screen. "She'll be fine Kaylee. She just needs some fluids and some rest. I'll let you know when I'm through with my exam."

Mal ushered his worried mechanic outside. "Go on Kaylee. I will come find you when Simon is done." He smiled at her until she had gone back upstairs. He let the smile fade and returned to Liara's side. Simon had his stethoscope and was listening to her heart. The doctor picked up one of her wrists and felt for her pulse and frowned. "What is it?" Mal asked.

Simon pulled back the tattered sleeve and turned Liara's hand palm up. There was a thick band of scar tissue that wrapped around her wrist with a fresher red line that was beginning to heal. Mal stepped over and took the girl's other hand. There were scars there too. "I'm not sure what these scars are from. Perhaps they were self inflicted." Simon said.

" Suicide attempts? Hmm. They look like scars left by cuffs or shackles." Mal said turning Liara's hand back over and holding it.

"Shackles? Is she an escaped criminal?"

"From the Alliance? You know their technology. The restraints they use wouldn't make scars like this. You know that better than I do doctor. I was just sayin' that's what they look like. Doesn't mean its true. At this juncture we don't know much do we. Perhaps you could change that Doctor." Mal replied. Simon went over to the monitor and commenced a scan of his patient. Mal tucked Liara's hand at her side and pulled a blanket over the unconscious girl. He watched as the scan processed on the screen behind the exam table, showing her skeleton, nerves and muscles. Images glowed red and a list of words appeared on one side of the screen. Mal crossed his arms as Simon read the data.

" There is evidence of extensive bruising, she has suffered from a broken collarbone, broken arm, several cracked ribs and fractured fingers on her left hand. All the breaks have healed, though she has severe bruising around her ribs. It looks as if they all occurred within a span of a year or two according to the scan." Simon said. His voice held ill concealed disgust.

" In other words she has been beaten." Mal replied glancing down at Liara.

" Repeatedly. Who would inflict wounds like these on a woman? Why didn't she get help?" Simon asked appalled

" Maybe she did."

" Well, she didn't get much in the way of medical assistance, Captain. Some of these breaks were set but not well, the others were left to heal however they may. From what I can see here, the beatings didn't stop after one injury."

" Maybe skipping off world was the only way to make it stop. Could be her man was beating her or her father or some such." Mal suggested grimly.

Simon saved the results of the scan. "Why not go to the authorities?"

Mal snorted. " You're one to talk Doctor. You smuggled your sister across space in a Cryo-box. Besides, her Pa was a Browncoat. What help could the Alliance give her. Probably would have sent her back. Look, there is no use in sittin here tryin to figure out her story. We'll have to ask her when she wakes up." Mal took her hand in his again and looked at the scars there.

It was clear that she had survived and escaped. From what he did not know but now she had put her fate in Serenity's hands and that of its captain. Serenity was a place to be free, to heal, to fight just to keep flying. It was a home and a sanctuary and would be for Liara Hawke as long as she had the need.

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I was drifting in silver fog. I'd been here before many a time. It was a place where time didn't exist and neither did pain. In the past I had welcomed this state of being. Oblivion. It had been comforting, a place where my mind strung together memories while my body sought to heal what made it broken. But now there was no relief in the fog but a dense blackness reached towards me. No longer were loving faces drifting around me but horrors were revisited.

I found myself once again scrabbling around on the floor of the Valkery's galley retrieving shards of broken stoneware from beneath the cold metal dinning table. That was where he found me, Aldren Reeve, the Valkery's captain, my tormentor. My hands clenched around the fragments I held making them bite into my skin. I could see Aldren's black boots before me and felt bile rise in my throat. Why didn't he leave me alone? "Hawke, come out of there." His voice was calm but a threat edged his words and made them sharp. I hesitated a second too long and his arm reached under and grasped the first thing his hand touched, my braid, and pulled. I bit back my yelp of pain. Screaming only encouraged him. A fact I had learned first hand.

I leapt to my feet to try to give my burning scalp some relief. Aldren towered over me. " I thought I told you to be in my cabin." His voice harsh, cold. I glanced up to gage his mood. His blonde hair was spiked as usual, his gray eyes like steel, traveled over my body. I suppressed the shudder that wanted to pass through me. Damn, he wasn't drunk tonight. Some nights he would drink himself into a stupor and pass out in his bunk, leaving me alone on my pallet in the corner to sleep. Not tonight.

" Sir, I was cleaning up in here." I didn't see his hand come up until he had backhanded me across my face. I tasted blood in my mouth as my lip caught my teeth.

" Hold your tongue Hawke." His voice had changed. Violence always turned him one. I turned my eyes on him, defiant.

" _Ching-wa tsao duh liou mahng!" _I spat blood from my mouth. I didn't look down but knew it now graced his boot. My satisfaction was short lived. Aldren's large hand closed around my throat. I gasped and pulled at his arm. He swung me around, my feet stumbling, trying to keep on them. He shoved me against the wall, his body against mine. His grip loosened on my throat and I coughed then struggled to get away from him.

" You are on this boat for one reason. Hell! You're alive for one reason Hawke!" He spat, his coldly handsome face inches from mine. I shoved against him. He grabbed my wrists and held them above my head. " Say it, tell me why you are on my ship." His free hand rested heavy on my hip. I felt the familiar fear take over. It left me cold and shaking. Not again. " Say it!"

" No!"

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" The scan is complete Captain. There is no sign of a disease or of her carrying a contagion. Her fainting was a likely result of her malnutrition combined with her bruised ribs. I want to bandage those but I will wait until she comes to. She's sleeping now and her body needs the rest."

"Wounded bird, tried to fly." Both men looked toward the doorway with a start. River stepped into the Infirmary and up to Liara, whose heart rate monitored on the screen and by a constant beeping, was speeding up.

" River why don't you-" Simon began.

" They took the claws and wanted the heart." She stared down at the young woman. Her voice rose and became distressed. " Plucked the feathers, can't fly! Not now!" River shrieked. Simon pulled her away from Liara who was no longer calmly sleeping but moved restless in a dream or nightmare. River screamed and grabbed her throat.

" River, what is wrong." Simon dragged her hands away from her throat. " It's okay, Liara will be fine."

" No, No! They search with their eyes and …and" Simon guided her to one of the couches. Book came from his room.

" Is everyone alright?" He asked his eyes heavy with sleep.

Mal watched as Liara's eyes twitched, her breathing became as swift as her heart beat. Something was wrong. " Doctor, you better-"

" No!" Liara shot upright gasping in pain and screaming. Her arms flew out looking for something to grasp like someone drowning needing a lifeline.

" Liara!" Mal called and reached out to steady her. At the sound of her name she turned and grabbed his shoulders, her eyes unseeing. She was still caught in her nightmare. Mal looked into her terror stricken face, saw realization creep into her eyes followed by confusion. He grasped her upper arms. " You're safe on Serenity. Liara, its Mal Reynolds." He said as she looked around and fear settled in her eyes again. She pulled back her arms from around him and a blush stained her cheeks.

" What are you afraid of?" Mal whispered.

She answered with a whisper of her own, " You."


	4. Ruffled Feathers

Disclaimer: I don't own Firefly/Serenity people, places or things. Only Liara Hawke is my creation.

A/N Thank you to all those who reviewed and sent emails! You keep me going. Sorry it took so long to update. Enjoy

Chapter 4

Ruffled Feathers

The moment the words left my lips I wanted to call them back. Mal dropped his hands and stepped away from me, a look of consternation crossed his features before he controlled them as the doctor came in.

"Captain…" I whispered. It's not you, I wanted to say. Not you at all. I didn't mean it. But the moment was gone.

" Liara, you're back with us." Simon said.

"Yes, " I didn't say how happy I was to be back from where I had been.

" You lost consciousness in the galley and from my examination-"

" Examination?" I asked alarm in my voice.

" Just a cursory one." Simon said stepping closer to me. " I did a scan and determined you fainted from malnutrition, your body reacted to the food and possibly from the healing your body is doing from past trauma."

"Trauma?"

" Injuries, namely broken bones. There is evidence of scarring on your-"

"Look. I just haven't eaten a good square meal in a while that is all." Mal stood silent, his arms crossed.

" Unfortunately that is not all." Simon said firmly. He stepped up to the exam table. "Here I will show you. Raise your right arm a bit." He held onto my arm then placed his other hand on my abdomen and pressed slightly. I gasped aloud as pain flared. He might have jabbed a hot poker there as much as it hurt. He stopped immediately and gently brought my arm down. "Your ribs are severely bruised, one or two were close to being fractured. I'm amazed you can move around with the pain."

" I manage-"

"Not well enough to keep from passing out." Mal said.

" Well enough to take on Jayne." I shot back. Forgetting that Mal was captain and I , just the cook.

"Adrenaline." Mal smirked.

"I'm not a child. I can handle myself and heal myself for that matter." I said tersely. I wanted them to stop prying. I wasn't going to tell them. What they didn't know wouldn't hurt them. Or me. I moved to hop down from the table.

Simon put a hand on my shoulder, gently but firm. "At least let me bandage your ribs. Unless you'd rather leave them as they are and be in pain." Simon said softly but his jaw was set. A stubborn man then? Who would have guessed it of the Doc? I opened my mouth to argue.

" I reckon you'll be of much use to me doubled over in pain." Mal said

I felt the blood rush to my face at his words. Another had found 'use' for me as I was, well enough. But this was Mal and he was now my captain. If I couldn't work I was just another mouth to feed, one that didn't pull its own weight. I would be better off not on his boat- to his way of thinking. I needed to stay, I wanted to stay. I nodded at the men and settled back on the table.

Simon went to a drawer in the cupboards along the wall and pulled a roll of bandages, a small white jar and gauze tape out, set them on a tray and rolled it over to the chair. "Lie back Liara." Simon said quietly. I found myself calmed by his voice. It was soft and articulated and cultured. Like those I used to hear at home, like mine used to be. His voice must be a useful tool as a doctor. Then I hesitated and almost involuntarily my eyes shot to Mal.

"You're safe Liara." Mal said. The captain didn't miss much.

"Would you excuse us Captain?" Simon asked so politely. Mal nodded and his long strides took him out of the sick bay quietly and quickly. He shut the door behind him.

I lay back again. " Is there a reason you are afraid of the Captain?" Simon asked as he cut a length off the roll of bandages.

"I'm not- It's just..I know I am safe." If I hadn't been, anyone could have done anything to me while I was unconscious. Simon put gentle fingers on the edge of my tunic shirt and moved it up to expose my abdomen and higher to my ribs. He paused and looked at me. I stared back at him. His brown eyes locked with mine. I looked away first. I knew what he could see without glancing down. Every inch of skin was mottled in shades of blackish-blue, purple, yellow and green.

" How did you get these? Simon uncapped the jar and took up a cotton ball. He administered the cream over my skin. It was cold.

"Work is hard." I replied through clenched teeth.

"As a galley cook? Captain Reynolds says that is what you were doing up until a month or so ago?" I didn't reply. "Liara, I can only do so much to help you. The rest depends on you. Trust is not easily found out here. But the captain is someone you can trust. You are his crew, I believe he trusts you."

"Why?" I was surprised.

" You will have to ask him."

I sat up and the good doctor wound the bandages around my battered torso while I held my shirt up. He taped the gauze in place. The cream he had applied was a soothing balm and the pain lessened some. The moment he was done I let the tunic flutter back into place. " I want you to eat simple foods in small amounts. You need to get your body used to food taken in regularity again. If you feel faint again tell me. I will check on your injuries in a day or so. Drink plenty of fluids and get some rest." He handed me a small pill bottle. "These are a mild pain reliever, they won't make you drowsy. I'll tell the captain that you are fit to work, as long as you take a care. Those bruises need to heal, your ribs will take longer but they will."

"Thank you Simon." I said softly.

"Just doing my job."

I hopped down from the table and went to the door. "Is your sister okay?"

"River? Why do you ask?"

"I heard her… in my dream. She was screaming." So was I , I thought.

"She was upset by something but she is sleeping quietly for now. It is hard to know what might set her off."

" Yes, I can imagine it is." I paused and then opened the door. "Goodnight Doctor." I left and pocketed the pills and made my way toward the bridge. I told myself I was going to see Kaylee but part of me hoped that I would cross paths with Mal.


	5. Tall Tales

Chapter 5

Tall Tales

A/N : Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/ Serenity- people places or things

Inara stepped away from her Com Screen and heard her shuttle door open. Mal Reynolds stood in her doorway. "Captain it is a bit late for a social call and once again you have neglected to knock."

"Remind me to apologize." Mal said. Something in his tone caused Inara to pause.

"Mal is something wrong?"

" Nothing of the sort." He paused. " Am I …do you…Am I intimidating?" He stood with his arms crossed.

"What do you mean Mal?"

"Do you think I frighten people?"

He is serious. Inara thought. His mouth was set in a grim line. His blue eyes didn't smile.

" Well I know you're not one to intimidate say certain men. Badger or Atherton Wing for example."

" Why did you have to bring up that _Hwon Dan_?"

" Sorry. You keep Jayne in line, which takes a fair amount of intimidation. I don't find you so, but I know you. You're not one to frighten unless you mean to. You know what you fight for and stand up against but you are not a cruel man, Mal. Where is this coming from?"

" It's nothing. Didn't mean to intrude."

"Mal." Inara started, but he had gone, leaving Inara in her opulent shuttle with just her thoughts.

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The crew quarters hall was empty and Kaylee didn't answer her com from her cabin. I heard clicks of flipping switches and noticed Wash on the bridge in his flight chair. I walked slowly up the steps and walked onto the bridge. The expanse of the black broken only by the stars that were just pinpoints of light now. But they held the promise of the unknown, of possible adventure and of escape. Home was just a spark of light far behind me now swallowed up by the darkness.

" Well, hello. It's the master chef." He said lightly than his eyes widened in alarm and his smile faded. I took a step closer.

" What is it? Is something wrong?"

"You don't know any myths do you?" he asked cautiously.

" None I feel like sharing. Why?" He was odd.

" It's a long story. Well, not so long and a bit funny, I guess."

I sat down in the co-pilot seat. The tired, worn springs sighed a bit as I got comfortable. " I'd love to hear a not so long-funny story." He groaned. "Come on, you have to tell it now." I leaned forward, elbows on my knees, head in my hands. "Please, been so long since I heard someone tell a good tale." Wash scratched the back of his head, causing his hair to stand up even more.

He sighed. " Are you sure? It's not one of our better…" 

" Adventures?"

" You could call it that. It started after Mal, Zoe and Jayne put down some bandits outside a settlement on Triumph. After a celebration with wine, women, song and dance we found ourselves headed for Beaumond with an unexpected passenger."

I listened as Wash related the story. How the seemingly delicate Saffron had played an innocent but in reality the former Mrs. Reynolds was anything but.

"Then she kicked me in the head and I came to outside the door there with Zoe leaning over me while Jayne and Kaylee tried to get on the bridge."

"What about Mal…I mean the captain. He must have stopped her."

"Apparently he was the first to uh…succumb."

" How did she do it?"

" She kissed him."

"_Shuh muh_?!"

"She kissed him. Trick was she had a drug on her lips and it knocked him out cold."

"_Tsai boo shr_!" I laughed. It had been so long since I had laughed. It sounded almost alien to my ears.

" It's how it happened! I swear. She stole a shuttle and had rigged this boat to fly straight to a chop shop and through an electric barrier. We would have been toast. Literally burned from the inside out. But Kaylee and I managed to get some nav back on line at least so we could tell where we were going."

" So you saved the day?"

" Not exactly. Jayne shot out the breakers."

"Hmm. Did you ever find the _jien hwo_?"

"Yeah, Mal tracked her lying _pee goo_ down and got the shuttle back."

" He didn't…for lying to him?"

" Didn't…What? Kill her? No, Mal isn't wired that way. But trust is important to him. It has to be. The lack of it and vise versa has kept us and him alive though sometimes it's a close call."

" I'll say." My amusement was subdued once again, reminded about this trust. Did the captain trust me? Sure as hell he didn't think I trusted him. This was a problem, one I needed to remedy soon.

" Sometimes I wonder if he regrets letting her go, after all the trouble she caused when we ran into her again."

" Again!"

"Yeah! Though it did lead us to our biggest payday yet, when we snatched the Lassiter."

My mouth fell open. "The Lassiter. You had your hands on the Lassiter? My brothers would've loved to see that! What happened this time?"

Wash laughed. " Just wait. He found her married to one of his old war buddies that does a bit of smuggling. They met up on a border moon, she was calling herself Bridget. Then there was a tussle and Mal made a deal and stuffed her into one of the crates we picked up from Monty."

" Harlot deserved it." I muttered.

" Then she is sitting in the galley , pleased as punch. Mal is making plans right in front of her. She had all the security codes for the Alliance diplomat's building that had the Lassiter."

" There is no way Mal let her get the best of him again."

" No? Well this tale ends with Mal…" Wash's eyes strayed to the door. I glanced over. Mal stood in the doorway.

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Mal came down the crew corridor and put a foot on his cabin ladder. He didn't know why, but the conversation with Inara had been comforting. Of course she knew the right thing to say but didn't always say it, especially to him. He paused at the cabin hatch. The sound of girlish laughter drew his attention to the bridge. The sound wasn't strange in of itself, but it wasn't Kaylee's cheery laugh or the seldom-heard uneasy, creepifying one of River's either. It wasn't Zoe's low chuckle and he had left Inara in her shuttle. The pleasant laugh had come from Liara. He took a few steps closer, he was unobserved by the girl and Wash who was regaling Liara with the tale of YoSaffBridge.

He groaned inwardly. Of all the stories for Wash to share. He wanted this girl to think well of him. That was confounding in itself. Usually he wouldn't give a hoot in hell who thought what of him. He took another step closer. Liara sat in the co-pilot chair, attentive. He listened in amusement when she defended his cleverness. But then Wash launched into the time Saffron had led them to the Lassiter. He knew how that screwy tale had ended, all well and good, but with him left in the desert naked as the day he came crying. He stepped up into the doorway. "No need to jump to the end Wash. You've skipped the best parts," Mal said with a smirk.

Liara's head jerked up in surprise and she shot to her feet, her smile fading. He didn't want her afraid of him either. He was certainly helping the situation.

" Oh, come on Mal! It is the best part of the story. Well,maybe not the best but it is the funniest."

"You can share later Wash. Our course is set I believe? Why don't you see to your wife, and get some rest while you can."

"Aye, Captain. G'night Liara" Wash said with a smirk and left the bridge.

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I heard the quiet whoosh of a hatch door. The captain and I were once again alone. I stood there awkwardly.

" No need to stand, Liara. You looked comfortable before." Mal said and moved to occupy the empty flight chair. I slowly sat, my heartbeat picking up speed, inexplicably. " Glad to see you are none worse for wear. Doc says you are fit to work."

" I am, thank you sir." I wondered what else Simon had told the captain. Did doctor/patient confidentiality exist off world, I wondered.

He held my gaze as if trying to decipher my thoughts, trying to read my face. I was acutely aware of the silence that had invaded the bridge, aside from the hum of the controls and the soft crackle of the com screen. What did he want? My thoughts strayed to the worst thoughts. Thoughts that were memories that stuck to the corners of my mind like shadows. Ones that couldn't be dispelled no matter how much light might be let in. My hands clenched around the cushion of the chair and I took a breath.

At the same time I wanted to talk to him, to ask him how he came to be here, to ask if he knew my brothers, my father. I wanted to tell him why I was in the Black, to tell him all that those intense blue eyes asked of me. But I couldn't, not yet. The wall I had put up as a shield was as strong as I could make it. It had managed to protect my sanity and the small pieces of my heart and soul that remained untouched and whole. I wasn't going to let that down for anything or anyone. One day I hoped that I would be able to. I prayed it wasn't too late, that one day I could give someone my heart and they would keep it safe and love me despite all the parts of me that were broken.

Mal spoke and pulled me out of my reverie. " Liara, we all have secrets. But Simon is the medic and he answers to me, as do you." I nodded and he continued. " Simon told me that you have bruises and that you said they were from your last job."

" Aye sir. They did…I did." I didn't volunteer anymore info.

" As galley cook? Not ranch work or some such correct?"

" Sir, I was a galley cook for two years on a vessel. Things happen is all."

" Things?"

" Accidents. I'm clumsy."

" Accidents? Someone accidently beat you n a regular basis?"

" Captain-"

"You runnin from a husband who takes his anger out on you? Or running from your family, from a father who hits you?"

My eyes blazed at this interrogation. I looked up at him. " My father? He never laid a hand on me, he's gone now, so are my brothers. One of the reasons I'm in this mess."

" What mess is that Liara?" Mal said quietly.

I stood and swayed on my feet. Mal reached out toward me as if to steady me. I shied away instinctively and that look of concern crossed his face once again.

" It is a mess of my own making. Don't worry about me Captain. No one else does. I should get some sleep. Night Captain." I took a breath and walked off the bridge. I gave Kaylee a small smile as I passed her in the hall and went to my bunk.


	6. Secrets

**DISCLAIMER/** : I don't own Firefly/Serenity characters, places or things.

Chapter 6 : Secrets

Mal watched Liara make her way down the crew corridor and out of sight. " What was that 'bout Cap'n? How is she? " Kaylee asked, standing on the metal steps leading to the bridge.

"As far as the good Doc is concerned she is fit to work and will recover just fine," Mal replied.

Kaylee cocked her head at him and his reply. " What about you? What do you think?

" About Liara? Don't know." He paused and looked out at the Black. " I 'spect she will heal. She's got spunk and seems stubborn and she's got secrets, who doesn't. Everyone has a reason for runnin'. And runnin' is just what she's doing," Mal almost whispered, more to himself than to Kaylee. " I think she came up to the bridge to see you but you weren't in your bunk. Where were you?

"Oh, just fixing a surprise for Liara Cap'n." She smiled, one cheery enough to warm the Black.

* * *

I retreated down the corridor. Goramit! What was wrong with me? Instead of talking to him I was running away. Again. _That's all you do, run_, said a nasty voice in my head. _Get a backbone_. I have to run, I thought, to survive. Its better this way. Look what happened before. But then I remembered the look on Mal's face on the bridge, when I had stepped away from him. Confusion, surely, but had something akin to hurt crossed his features? Certainly not. Why would he feel that way. There is no reason for it. For now I pushed it to the back of my mind. Doesn't matter_. Look after yourself_, the voice spoke again_, no one else cares_. I ran a hand across my eyes and sighed. The litany was tired and worn but still true. It hadn't always been so but no power in the 'Verse could turn back time, turn it back to how it used to be. So I learned to adapt, to move on, to survive. Even though the cost had been high there was no telling what further price would be demanded. What had I left to give?

These thoughts accompanied me back toward the passenger dorms. The infirmary was empty, the lights turned down slightly. I found my bunk and slid the door open. I almost shut it again, wondering if I had the wrong cabin. Bright red and gold paper lanterns were string on one wall, a worn but warm looking green blanket covered with an inky dragon and bold characters of luck, prosperity and serenity was spread over the plain coverlet on the bed. A painted bamboo scroll depicting a Jiangyin Prairie Paradise hung over the bunk. Unexpected tears pricked the back of my eyes. " Kaylee," I whispered. I went over to the little cabinet. Perched on top was a white porcelain cat with blue blossoms painted on it. Its right paw was upraised.

"It's for luck." I turned and Kaylee stood in my doorway.

"My mother gave me one once," I said.

"Hmmm. Mine did too."

"Kaylee, why did you go through all this trouble for me?" I asked, waving my arm to encompass the small space.

She stepped in and I sat on the edge of the bed. She sat down on the foot of the bed and turned to me. "When I first went off world I was excited, but for a while I was scared. Scared of being in a new place and in the Black far from home. The things I brought from home kept me company until this ship became home. Now I wouldn't leave Serenity for the fanciest house on any world spinnin'," she smiled warmly. " I thought this would make it more welcoming for you too and knowing that I am glad you're on our crew." She put her hand on my shoulder. I smiled back.

"Thank you so much, Kaylee."

"I should let you get some rest. Glad you're feeling better Liara." She slid the panel door closed behind her as she left. It was only after she had gone that I let a few tears of gratitude slide down my cheeks

* * *

The hum and vibrations of Serenity had lulled me to sleep finally but the peace wasn't to last. I dreamed I was in a bunk, not unlike this one, but not the same either. It was stripped of everything except a bare pallet on the floor in the corner. I lay curled on it but instead of the ship noises being soothing ever clank and thud caused my heart to race and my eyes bored holds in the closed panel door. A manacle, heavy and rusted was clasped about my ankle. Footsteps echoed, each falling heavy like portents of doom. Then the door slid open and light filled the doorway. Mal stood there. I sat still as he walked towards me, changing as he did so. His face blurred and shifted; now Aldrin stood above me. I was helpless with no way to escape. He leaned forward, grabbed my arms and pulled me to my feet. "You'll pay," he spit, his eyes aflame as he pulled me against him. I wrenched myself out of the dream, sat up and clasped a hand across my mouth to stifle the scream that threatened to spill forth. My breath rasped as I inhaled deeply trying to calm down. My hands shook and I ached all over. I was safe on Serenity, I reminded myself.

I threw back the covers and put my shoes on and grabbed the pill bottle Simon had given me. I wouldn't be able to fall asleep now. I quietly slid back the panel door. The other rooms were dark and quiet. I crept back up to the galley my steps echoing slightly in the metal space. A mug of tea would be soothing, a luxury I had gone without for a long time. I turned on just the lantern in the center of the table and the room was filled with a warm, homey glow. It did much to dispel the nightmare that seemed to follow me from my room. I put a cast iron tea pot on the stove and filled it from the water spigot. I went to the cabinets and searched for tea. With a companion aboard it would be a staple food supply.

The locker like cabinets held cans of food some labeled and some mystery cans, dishes and various kitchen supplies. One cubby had the name Jayne scrawled across the door. I couldn't help myself and opened it and peered inside, though I had to do so on tiptoe. Whisky, a clay bottle like the one he'd had at dinner, and a pack of cards sat inside. Pinup girls were stuck to the inside of the door. I rolled my eyes. There was also a large knife in there and not one of the kitchen varieties, that much was clear.

"What are you looking for?" a soft voice asked from behind me. I grabbed my hand back, surprised and whirled around. It was Inara. I put my hands flat on the tops of my legs and bowed deeply at the waist, inclining my head gracefully and sweeping one arm out to the side, my long braid swung over my shoulder. Then I froze mid bow and straightened up, a blush staining my cheeks. I met Inara's eyes she seemed just a surprised.

"The formal greeting of the Londinium Court. I haven't seen that in quite a while. We don't visit Londinium very often as you can imagine with the Captain's …desire to avoid The Core planets." She smiled warmly.

I didn't know what to say. The respectful gesture to be given a Companion in the presence of women only, which is why I hadn't displayed It in the Captain's company when I first met her, had come automatically. I had also just revealed a part of myself that had been buried under rustic speech and sarcasm. This way of behavior that was inlaid in my from my toddling days, back when my mother had taught me. Her original question still floated in the air. I grasped at my wits and chose to answer that. I could make explanation about that.

"Tea, I was looking for some to brew a pot. I couldn't sleep," I said softly.

She smiled at me again, her ruby colored silk robe floated around her as she stepped up to the wall of cabinets. A pattern of orchids and butterflies was embroidered in scarlet thread and embellished with gold beads down her back. She reached up and pulled a silver cylinder down from one cubby. She pulled the top off and I took a sniff as she held it out.

"Dragonwell Green! It's been a long time since I had anything this fine," I said with pleasure.

"It will do," Inara said. I took the tin and added the tea blossom to the pot. It would 'bloom' into a beautiful shape when steeped. She had retrieved two handle less cups and set them down on the table in the alcove beneath the skylight. I brought the pot over and she settled down in a chair. I set the pot down and sat on the edge of a cushioned bench. I was used to serving so I grasped the arched handle of the pot and with care poured Inara a fragrant cup and then my own. I flicked my fingers out and then twisted my wrist and turned them in an almost beckoning gesture. Inara picked up her tea cup and with it did a subtle salute In response of the invitation to join me in partaking of the tea. It was another custom that once upon a time I had never left off doing, but then again it had been so long since I had been in a position to use it.

"Where were you trained?" She asked after taking a sip.

"House Arandai," I replied.

"Ah, House of Doves." She took another sip, her deep brown eyes watching me.

I absently tapped my fingers against my cup. "Yes, my cousin and I began our training together at a very young age, as is the custom."

"To become Companions?"

"No, well-I didn't but my cousin Sharra Yannin is now a Companion. The House also offered court training for girls' refinement, though I suppose I was always more Hawke than Dove. "I took another sip.

"And yet I meet you here on Serenity and not in the palace court Liara. Why is that?"

I glanced up at her too sharply. She was quick witted and intuitive and I was letting my guard down. I looked at her. "Perhaps for the same reasons I met _you_ here Inara." Her eyes met mine and I could see that she had her own secrets that smoldered beneath her gaze. Then her eyes softened but she didn't speak of hidden things.

"Touché, Liara." I raised my teacup in mimicry of a fencing salute. Instead of lingering on this sensitive subject, whatever it may be, good manners instilled in me dictated I gracefully change the subject.

"How long have you been on Serenity Inara?" I poured her some more tea. Tiredness had fled thanks to the caffeine in my tea.

"Just over a year." She paused and looked around the cozy galley. "I love this ship."

"Wash was sharing one of the crew's adventures with me earlier."

"Adventures? Hmm. What tale was he telling?"

"The multiple tales of Saffron." Inara made a very unlady-like noise akin to a snort. But no Companion would ever snort. I let a giggle escape and then cleared my throat. "But I didn't get to hear how your second run in with the harridan ended. The Captain interrupted. He acted like he didn't want Wash to tell me." I tried to sound nonchalant but my voice wavered and I cursed myself.

"Indeed?" Inara raised an eyebrow and smiled slyly. Knowing a secret and not telling. Again. She placed her teacup down and her eyes became serious. "Liara, did Mal frighten you in some way?"

"What? How did-"

"Something he said made me wonder, that is all."

"Mal talked to you about me?"

"No, he never mentioned to whom he was referring but it bothered him."

"So the Captain thinks I am afraid of him?" Great, I thought. Though I had given him plenty of reasons to think that I was.

"Are you?" She pressed, albeit gently.

"No-not exactly. He unsettles me is all." I sat back and pulled my arms in and crossed them. My feet I tucked and rested my arms on my knees. "The last job I had the captain and I …didn't get on well." Understatement of the millennia, I thought to myself. "I'm still dealing with adjustments, I guess." I fell silent and contemplated the empty teacup before me. I couldn't read the tea leaves that were left on the bottom of the cup.

"It is hard to let yourself trust if you have had that trust exploited." Inara said softly. I looked up at her again. Her face was open and her eyes caring, sisterly. A lump formed in my throat. I'd never had a sister; Sharra had been the closest I had come, but not anymore. Inara leaned over and took my hand. "The Captain is someone you can trust. You don't have to be afraid of him. You are on his crew and under his protection. He can help you, if you can bring yourself to ask. As can I." She sat back and gathered the cups together. They made tiny musical clinkings as they settled into one another. She placed them on the counter and put the pot back on the stove range. She paused beside me and bowed, as elegant and stately as I had ever seen. My cheeks flared and I got to my feet.

"Inara, you don't –"She lifted a hand and placed it on my shoulder.

" _Zhufu ni , mei-mei_. Goodnight."

I bowed to her in return, my arm making an arc as graceful as I could manage, though the gesture had been unused for so long. Like a memory that shook the dust off but needed a polish. She left me there in the warm galley. I looked up through the skylight and into the starry Black. How would I explain myself to Mal? Would I succeed in this quest I was on? Or was it folly? Were they already coming for me?


	7. Sleepless

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FIREFLY/SERENITY PEOPLE PLACES OR THINGS

CHAPTER

SLEEPLESS

I don't know how long I stood there but the aches of my body snuck back into my awareness and I felt the lump the pill bottle made in my pocket. I took it out and getting my teacup tossed them down with a swallow of the last dregs of the tea from the pot. I grimaced at the bitter taste then turned and rinsed the cups out along with the teapot. My thoughts wandered as I turned the cups beneath the thin stream of water.

Those court customs had been recalled with such ease. If my father hadn't died in the War, if I was still living in Londinium what would life have been like? Where would I be now? Certainly not on the fringes of the system in a Firefly. Most likely I would have been married off by now to one of the sons of my mother's society friends and setting up my own household. Mother's money had come from her high class merchant great-grandfather. On the other hand my father's people had scraped a living from a Border moon turning humble beginnings into a lucrative livestock business.

Quite a heritage lay behind me. But my future…much more uncertain it lay before me through smoke and shadow wreathed in nightmares. The last few years of my life, how could I get past them and move on? Or would they always haunt me like ghosts? I curled up on the cozy chair in the alcove and looked up into the skylight.

Somewhere out there was the last of my kin- Braden. He had disappeared in the last months of the War. It had been almost six years now since we had mourned him, my father and my other older brother Jensen. I still could hear my mother's anguish, the screams that would wake me in the night in my room, when she woke and found herself alone. The sorrow and despair of losing so much had robbed her of her sanity, until one night…_Don't go there right now_- I pushed the thought away forcefully. But it stayed. To watch her slip into madness, helpless to stop her and then to witness her take her own life was enough to destroy me.

Then a little over three years ago I received a Wave. It was degraded, part of the video file corrupted but even so I was convinced it was from Braden. It helped me hold on. "You wouldn't know it now." I whispered to myself. Not much left of me to hang on to. Sometimes self pity was easier to face then the reality of my situation. But I had to find Braden. Finding him would mean having family again. Maybe then I would know myself or figure out who I was now and could repair the damage done. We could return home, to what was left of it and start over. _Isn't_ _that what you are doing on this ship? Starting over?_ I asked myself. _No_. _You have to confront your demons before you can do that_. And mine still pursued me. Finally exhaustion pulled at me and I drifted off to sleep there in Serenity's warm galley.

Mal made an adjustment to the knob on the console before him, the worn springs in the flight chair sighed beneath him as he shifted. He sat back and stretched his arms above his head and swiveled. To find Inara standing in the doorway. He bolted straight up in his seat. " You do sneak about don't you?"He asked a little too loudly. She had startled him.

" Mal, I'm not sneaking, just simply being quiet. You're not the first person I've startled tonight in fact."

"That so? Who else did you creepify with your stealth? Did Shepherd catch you wandering around in your nightclothes? Poor fellow won't be able to sleep for days no doubt."

"Mal, you are impossible." She said quietly, humor coloring her voice.

"I try. Well, who was it?"

" I frightened Liara in the galley, seems she couldn't sleep."

"Ahh. Now I don't feel so ogre-ish. Girl's more skittish than a newborn colt."

"Hmm." Inara stepped closer. Mal took a second and watched the fabric drift against her skin.

"Mal?"

"Yeah?" he looked up into her dark eyes.

" I learned some interesting things about our new cook."

"And what would that be?"

"She's not afraid of you Mal."

"How do you know? Did she tell you?"

"Seems the vessel she was on before, her last job, its captain- that is who she is afraid of. She played it down but I can read body language better than most, I'm trained for it. She holds her secrets close."

"Everyone has secrets." Mal said quietly.

"Indeed." Inara replied locking eyes with him again for a long moment.

" I don't know why she is here." Mal said glancing away. He looked back at Inara, who had a warning in her eyes. "Don't worry. I'm not going to interrogate the girl. I reckon she will tell when she wants to." He frowned slightly.

"She will Mal. Perhaps sooner than you think."

"Why did you come up here to tell me this Inara?"

She shrugged delicately. " I knew it bothered you Mal" She put her hand on his shoulder. So rarely did she touch him. He held her gaze this time.

"Thank you Inara." He almost whispered.

" Goodnight Captain." She pulled her hand away and paused before turning and sweeping off the bridge.

It wasn't long before I was visited once more by dreams. I was plagued with them. The subtle vibrations of the sheep had lulled me to sleep once again. This time I dreamed I ran through the halls of my childhood home. Past the parlor with the mantled marble fireplaces, the formal dining room where I used to play castle and fort with my brothers beneath the massive table that easily sat 30. Past the elegant front hall with curving staircases that met and ended at a hawk in flight inlaid in shining marble of the foyer floor.

I darted into the many bedrooms to find no one. What was I looking for? Still I ran, my adult self, barefoot and in a panic. The emptiness seemed to mock me. Then there were sounds outside. The high pitched whistle of falling missiles, explosions rattled the windows. I grabbed a door casing as the floors shook.

The whine of ships flying overhead filled the air. I glanced out of one of the huge windows and a war-torn landscape lay beyond the green lawns of our home Hawke's Mere. Then a huge crash! Wood splintered and glass shattered as something fell through the roof and filled the corridor I stood in with smoke. Choking I ran toward the ballroom and there as a crashed fighting ship, a Z32 Hornet class- favored by the Independents in the War.

I stood in shock as someone began to scream inside the burning ship. A man pounded on the glass of the cockpit as the flames grew higher. They threw their heat at me and I raised an arm to shield my face. I stumbled over the rubble to try to reach him. " Braden!" I screamed, I threw aside the remnants of beams and chunks of mortar, their weight real in my hands. The smell of singed wood and hot metal stung my nose. Then I tripped and fell the floor gave beneath me and all light disappeared as I dropped in darkness. "Liara!" Braden's voice cried out.

"Braden! Hold on!" I flailed in the black but I kept falling. My body started to slow and lights appeared. I floated in space aglow with tiny phosphorescent lights. Tranquility came over me as I gazed around. I was surrounded and my body was bathed in the light of a thousand fireflies.


	8. Blessings and Breakfast

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN FIREFLY OR SERENITY CHARACTERS PLACES OR THINGS

Chapter 8

Blessings and Breakfast

I floated in the dark space created by my dream a deep calm voice spoke my name and a hand gently shook my shoulder. "Liara?"

"Braden?" I asked sleepily opening my eyes. A face hovered above me, dark eyes set in a care worn face. It was Shepherd Book.

"Afraid not," he said quietly and I sat up.

"Is something wrong Shepherd?"

"No, I was going to ask you the same. You were talking in your sleep."

"Oh. Hmm. I didn't say anything scandalous did I?" I joked swallowing the fear that rose in my throat. I could be spilling my secrets like my tears, in my sleep.

"Nothing like that. You were calling for someone named Braden." I didn't reply and the silence stood waiting. "I'm most pleased to see you are well after last night." Book said changing the subject.

I stood and stretched carefully but still wincing slightly at the pull of my ribs. "None worse for wear really. Hope I didn't disturb you last night or this morning."

"Oh, no you didn't. I wasn't sleeping that well myself. Seems River had a bad night and her being down the hall…But I'm surprised to find you in the galley this morning."

"My room was just perfect and Kaylee even spruced it up for me. I just couldn't sleep very well."

"The time changes off world take some getting used to."

"Well, I was on a ship on my last…job. I'm used to the time. But my dreams woke me."

"Ah, it's said for some that dreams are more vivid in the Black. Like sleeping at sea on Earth that was- it affects the dreaming.

"Fascinating, Shepherd. We are still sailing, like those in ancient times, still struggling to live on the sea- the Black of space. Charting a course through dangerous skies teeming with pirates and monsters. To discover what lies beyond the hardships unnumbered risking all for the freedom of The Black." I snapped out of reflecting. "Sorry, I'm rambling on! Must be a side effect of those pills the Doc gave me." I walked to the stove and put the kettle on and got some ingredients out to make sweet rolls

"Don't apologize. You sound like a scholar or at least a poet."

"Ha. I'm neither. Just a galley cook with flight experience."

"Nonsense. You were not always a cook, surely." He sat in the chair at the end of the table closest to the counter where I worked.

"No, not always." A memory of being chained to Aldrin's bunk flashed before me. I pushed it back and schooled my features and forced a smile. I dug in a cubby for a towel then let my dough sit on the warm stove to rise and then got myself under control.

"I love learning and reading. My parents had a rather grand library and I used to read anything and everything I could get my hands on. My favorites were the ancient poets. My father was fortunate to acquire a tome of Shakespeare's plays and my tutor would never let me read it unaccompanied or remove it from the library. He always held it and turned the pages while I read." I smiled in memory. "Once I snuck it out and went to my favorite tree to read. Tutor Gibbs was so livid he was purple. I refused to leave my perch in fear, positive he was turning into a Reaver with all his snarling! It wasn't until my brother found us that he convinced me to come down."

"Sounds like you were quite impetuous." Book said with a smile.

"Aye, I was a little hellion. Between my brothers and me we went through a slew of governesses and tutors." I put on a pot for coffee as well. "So Shepherd, is breakfast a sit down affair or more of a grab and go?" I worked my dough some more and started making balls of it and lining them up on a baking panel.

"Well, that would depend I suppose. "

"On what?"

"On whether we are in the air or topside, on a job or not and such," Mal said walking into the galley.

I froze in place for a moment and forced myself to relax as I saw Book glance at me. I gave him a tiny smile and looked back at the captain, sure that all my fear, my nightmare and all my secrets were plain as a planet-side sunrise on my face. They sat on my tongue. I wanted to tell him, to tell someone but I couldn't let anyone in, not yet. The thought that I wanted to tell Mal Reynolds puzzled me but gave me hope. "And this morning, what is our agenda looking like, sir?" I said turning to him.

He smiled a little, more of a quirk of his mouth. "In the sky and on the move, and only Zoe calls me sir. Habit from our days in the trenches and all."

"Well, then Cap'n I will have some sweet rolls this morning and a scramble if the rest of the crew don't mind eating all together for the time being."

"If they taste as good as the victuals from last night there won't be any complainin'. You are a fine cook."

"Thanks Captain." My cheeks flushed. I cleared my throat and stepped back to the counter fussing with the rolls. I popped them into the cube oven. They would be studded with raisins which I used sparingly trying to stretch our rations of fruits and such as far as I could. I had scrounged up ingredients for a breakfast scramble. I had egg substitute powder, some dried sausage and some protein that I crumbled up. It wouldn't be bacon and eggs but we had a wheel of real cheese that would help. Coffee was on the brew along with the kettle of tea. "We are pretty well stocked for provisions, some fresher foodstuffs and staples. I should be able to keep up all fed on more than just protein."

"Glad to hear it. Call on the com when it's ready." Mal left with a glance at Book, his steps echoed on the metal stairs.

A silence filled the galley but it wasn't an uncomfortable one this time. Book broke it quietly. "Is there anything I can help you with Liara?"

"Ah, thank you kindly Shepherd. You can slice some cheese if you've a mind to. I don't want to burn the scramble." I tossed the ingredients into a cast iron pan. They sizzled and snapped and the smell wafted up with the steam. "Shepherd, I've noticed when you prayed at table last night you didn't say grace aloud."

"Yes, well…the Captain would prefer that I didn't." 

"Really? Don't mind me asking Shepherd. Why are you on Serenity?"

"At first it was to get to the Border moons to spread the word. But its true what they say, it's the journey that matters not the destination. For now my place is here on this Firefly however long I am needed as an extra pair of hands or set of eyes, another cool head and a different point of view. The Captain doesn't mind me aboard as long as the preaching isn't directed to him," he chuckled and then looked at me his brown eyes warm, the edges crinkled slightly in a smile. "What about you Liara? What are you doing on the ship?"

" I guess I'm still on my journey but my destination isn't clear to me. I suppose I will have to find it on my way, won't I?" My voice wavered slightly and I paused to swallow the lump in my throat. "It wasn't always this way. I had a family once before the War tore us apart. My life is a million miles from what it once was; I'm a different person than I once was."

The sharp smell of the scramble starting to stick to the pan pulled me out of my thoughts. I tried to smile at Book who looked sympathetic. "Better not serve a burned breakfast, might be out on my backside." I took the pan off the burner and blinked back tears. I was such a weeper lately. A kind word seemed to undo me faster than a hateful one had.

"Liara, we all face trials that leave us changed. Have all done things that we may feel we need redemption for. But can I offer you some comfort?" Book said quietly, like someone who knew.

"Aye, be much appreciated." I turned to him again.

"Prayer can be a powerful thing, a loving provision, a comfort. You know you are never alone."

"You reminded me Shepherd. There have been many times when He was all I had to lean on and times my prayers were answered." Though the methods I had used to gain freedom were a far cry from those generally approved of. " I think I was answered with a chance to fly with Serenity and I will be thankful for that every day."

"As will I Liara, as will I."

"Thank you Shepherd." I smiled at him, a real smile. It felt good.


	9. Ship for Hire

Disclaimer- I do not own Firefly/Serenity characters, places or things.

Thank you to all my readers and reviewers! Sorry it has taken me so long to post another chapter! But having you review and enjoy this story keeps me going! Thanks again for your input and for reading this in the first place!

Chapter 9

Ship for Hire

Mal started down the corridor back up to the bridge when Liara called out. He turned and she came up to him with a steaming mug in one hand. "Care for a strong cup of tea this morning Captain? It will hold you over until breakfast," she asked quietly.

He could tell she was suppressing the urge to fidget nervously by the way she shifted her weight and balanced on her feet, like she was ready to flee. He wouldn't keep her long. "Yes, that would suit me fine. Thanks." He reached out and took the mug from her. She stood there awkwardly for a moment, wiping a palm on her pants.

"Um. Ok then Captain. I'll just let you know when the food is done." She turned and went back to the galley. He watched her for a moment noticing she seemed to move carefully, a little stiffly and hoped she would heal soon. The Doc knew his trade that's for sure. Mal blew the steam away and took a sip. Liara had added a bit of sugar and just a trace of milk, it tasted good and it was thoughtful of her to bring him some.

He made his way back up to the bridge with his tea and his thoughts. At least the girl had approached him this time and not shied away. He was reminded of the colts his mother used to have on their ranch. How skittish the young horses could be. Bolting at the slightest noise or rustle in the brush. He would just have to treat this girl as he would a skittish filly. No sudden moves but with patience. She would learn to trust him and settle into Serenity, he just had to give her time.

He took another sip of tea and climbed the stairs to Serenity's bridge. Wash was in his flight chair flicking switches and checking monitors. Zoe stood with a hand on his shoulder and leaned down for a kiss. "Morning all. Hope I'm not interuptin anything." Mal said walking in the doorway.

"No, sir," Zoe said. "Just starting the day out right." She straightened and tossed her curly dark mane over her shoulder. "Is that coffee?"

"Tea. But Liara's got a kettle on for coffee I believe. Should be ready now. She's making breakfast for us all."

"Wow. I like this having a cook thing. Sure beats us taking turns. Remember Simon's rice dish a while back?" Wash swiveled in his seat.

"I thought my taste buds would be scarred. Liara is a good cook. I recall mentioning getting a cook back when I bought this boat. Zoe thought she'd never fly to begin with."

"Guess we are moving up in the world sir. I'm going to get some coffee." She turned and smiled at her husband and left.

"Bring me a cup?" Wash called after his wife. The men heard her say something that sounded to the affirmative.

"Speaking of moving up in the world, we get any job offers lately? Besides Badger? I'd rather not deal with him too many jobs in a row if I can help it. I need time between encounters with that fierce little man."

"Well, I was just about to call you up here. Seems a lady by the name of Kae Baradyn sent you a wave. Who is she again?"

"We ferried some goods for her between border moons a year or so back. She's one of the few contacts who hasn't shot me or tried to. Kind of endears her to my heart. She's a rancher and horse breeder. Her stud produces some prime horseflesh that sells big with the muckety-mucks on the Core.

"Ah. Wonder what she wants of our little ship? Well, I will leave you to it. Just remember the cattle and keep in mind black market beagles." Wash stood and stretched. "Gonna go and get my own coffee."

Mal took Wash's seat and retrieved the message from Kae. The woman's face appeared on screen. Kae was in her thirties, her strawberry blonde hair was cut in a short bob, freckles covered her upturned nose and her skin was tanned from long days in the sun. " _Nee Hao_ Mal, been quite a span since I talked to you last. Since you helped me before I am hoping I can count on you again and promise to make it worth your while. Got a heap of coin for you if you can get the job done. Have to warn you; this job might get a little dangerous. But I know you and your reputation and am sure your crew can handle a little excitement." Mal tossed back the last of his bracing mug of tea and raptly listened to Kae's proposition.


	10. Chapter 10 Well Laid Plans

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity Characters, Places or Things

Chapter 10

Well Laid Plans

I turned and placed the last of the cooled sweet rolls on a plate and gave the scramble one last stir before taking it off the burner. Breakfast was done and was smelling mighty tasty if you asked me. Coffee was hot and waiting and there was still some tea. Shepherd Book helped me bring plates of food to the table. Kaylee had arrived and was putting out mismatched pottery plates and silverware for me while Jayne sat with arms crossed and leaned back in his chair. He was watching the food as if it would vanish the second it hit the table top.

"Jayne, you could help 'stead of just sitting there like a big silent lump." Kaylee chided him as she placed a plate before him. He glanced at it, saw it was empty, and looked up at her. "Kitchen work is women's work." He replied gruffly.

"Oh yeah? And what's man's work? Fixing ship's engines? Cuz I can do that blindfolded, but I bet you couldn't set a table if you had an extra pair of arms." She put a mug at each place. I smiled and tried not to laugh at the big guy.

"What _do_ you do on Serenity, Jayne?" I asked innocently. He glared at me and I smiled sweetly from across the table. "Besides accosting crew members, that is. And for the record, if I was in fit condition I could have taken you." I teased. _What has gotten into me this morning?_ I wondered as I watched Jayne register the challenge.

" You? A skinny cook? Think again," he huffed.

" Yep, me. I tell you what Jayne, when Doc says I'm all healed let's have a friendly little wager and we will see whether a skinny girl cook can take your butt down a notch or two." I put down the pitcher of cider and held out my hand.

"Them are fighting words!" Wash said as he and Zoe came in and took a seat around the table. Jayne hesitated.

"Come now Jayne, you're not afraid of a girl are you?" Zoe asked, one eyebrow raised.

"Done." He clasped my hand in his, gripped it firmly and let go, his calloused palm rough against my skin. I stepped back as the seats filled up.

Simon came in with River; both looked like they hadn't slept much last night either. River stared at me for a moment, her dark eyes fathomless and haunted and seemed to plumb deep into mine for a breath of a second. Then she blinked and let Simon escort her to an empty seat. I saw Kaylee smile at Simon who nodded politely back to her. She scooted around me to take a seat as well but not before I heard her sigh resignedly. I would have to ask her what that was all about later.

Inara floated in and I handed her a delicate teacup in place of a mug. She smiled and touched my arm gently. "Good morning Liara, glad to see you bright eyed and rested." She wore a gown of violet today, satin and velvet with a delicate beaded design of flowering vines that entwined around her graceful form.

"Thank you." I smiled back at her and thought of our late night conversation. I glanced at the spread and we seemed to have everything we needed. Except our captain. Mal's chair sat empty and inviting. I remembered he wanted a call when the tucker was done so I hopped over to the com and called the bridge. "Captain, breakfast is done and the crew's all here if you would like to join us." I was happy that my voice sounded strong and confident for once. Seemed the crew was having a good effect on me already. Jayne let out a belch. Well, most of the crew anyway.

"I will be right there. Thanks Liara" Mal replied, the speaker crackling his voice. The galley was cozy, warm from the heat of the oven and the crew all gathered together, the air above the table hummed with conversation, good natured ribbing and the occasional laugh. Like my family used to be, clustered around the kitchen table, rather than using the big ostentatious one in the dining room. The boys would poke fun at each other or tease me incessantly, father would tell mother stories about what went on in the city that day and she would laugh. We were happy, I was happy. Once. _One day you will feel that way again_.

I was caught up in memory, not realizing I was still standing at the com when I felt a touch on my shoulder. I jumped and glanced up at Mal who now stood beside me. His eyes were serious but his mouth turned up in a quick grin. "Didn't mean to startle you. I've been doing that a bit much since we met." He said quietly. My eyes darted to the table but no one was paying any attention, except Inara, her eyes meeting mine and dropping demurely to her plate. _The captain is someone you can trust. You don't have to be afraid of him. _Her words from last night echoed in my head as I turned to the captain, forcing myself not to put more space between us_. Get a grip, what can happen in a room full of people?_ A black memory threatened to surge, _plenty_ could happen in front of a crew. I pushed it to the back of my brain, where the shadows slept.

"Don't worry Captain, no harm done." I gave him a sad excuse for a smile but it was the best I could do. "Breakfast is getting cold and we won't get any if we don't tuck in with Jayne here and all." I nodded at the table.

"Still giving Jayne a hard time? Girl after my own heart," he said as he took his seat. I tried not to blush as I found my empty chair and settled in. I saw Book lower his head in prayer over his steaming food while River tried to sneak the sweet roll off his plate.

"River!" Simon hissed. "That's not your breakfast. You have a platefull." He sat across from his sister.

"Eyes closed, can't see the sin." She said matter-of-factly. She was an oddity that was for sure. I spooned some scramble on my plate and added a roll. Simon poured me a mug of cider, seated as he was between Kaylee and me. I watched him out the corner of my eye, now that his attention was elsewhere. He was a looker, our doctor. No wonder Kaylee goes around sighing like she does.

"How are you feeling this morning?" the doc asked me quietly. His dark eyes scanned my face and for a split second he held my gaze as River did. They share the same eyes and say much with them as well.

"I'm rested and steadier on my pins then yesterday, thank you. I took one of those pills you gave me last night and it helped." I looked back to my plate.

"I want to change the dressing on your ribs later today and see how your bruises are faring." I glanced up sharply, alarmed someone over heard him. "Don't worry, Liara. I won't say anymore if it makes you uncomfortable, just come by the infirmary later when you have a few moments and we will discuss it there," he said kindly then focused on his breakfast and a moment later chuckled at something Kaylee said.

Breakfast was good and I took small bites and ate slowly as Simon had suggested. My stomach seemed steadier today as well and I was heartened. It felt good to think I was healing. _My body at least. The rest of me needs some work, but one thing at a time._ Compliments flew my way from around the table and I smiled shyly with the praise. "Where did you learn to cook, Liara?" Zoe asked. We hadn't spoken much in my short time on Serenity.

"My mother taught me some, but she knew more about making fancy dishes for entertaining and such. I really learned when I would spend summers with my Uncle Rand on Harvest. He and my Aunt Brielle had a ranch. I learned to rope and ride and how to whip up a basket of biscuits and twenty ways to cook a steak, when we could get it." I took a breath. The memories were so close to me for a second, I half expected Aunt Bri to be scolding me from the kitchen. I looked around; everyone was watching me, waiting for me to continue. "That's where I learned to cook really, isn't much else to say about that." I mumbled and took another bite of my cooling breakfast.

Mal cleared his throat and the attention turned to him. I glanced up and he held my gaze for a moment. I gave him a tiny nod. _Thank you Captain_. " Speaking of roping and riding, I have a job for my crew. And it's a good paying one or it will be if we can pull it off. Kae Baradyn sent me a wave. Seems some of her livestock has been stolen, she wants us to get it back and transport it to Angel where she will meet us." A couple barely stifled moans could be heard around the table.

"Livestock sir? I happen to recall a job involving cows. Didn't go according to plan Captain," Zoe put her two cents in.

"Simon got kidnapped by backwoods locals." Kaylee piped up.

"Book got shot!" Jayne added.

"River was almost burned at the stake as a witch," Simon quietly replied.

"Not to mention how long it took to get the cargo bay smelling, well, not like cow." Wash said.

Kidnapping? Witches? I would have to ask Wash to tell me this tale. "Kae Baradyn of Borderland Ranch? She doesn't raise cattle, she breeds some of, if not the best horses in the 'Verse!" I put in enthusiastically. And everyone was looking at me again. I blushed and looked down at my now empty plate.

"Thank you Liara. I was saying, we will get major coin for this job and if you remember we need funds bad. Kae's horses are worth a lot to her and to the folks on the Core who buy them. She had buyers lined up when she discovered they were missing from her ranch on Angel while she was off world. She thinks it was an inside job. There were only about half a dozen horses stolen." He pulled out a flat square disc like device from his pocket. He placed it on the table and a hologram appeared of a horse. And what a horse it was. A beauty of silk and ebony, with long, shapely legs, a dainty head and gorgeous lines, a racer, a hunter by the looks of her. Then the other horses appeared each one more beautiful, it seemed, than the last.

"How do we find six horses? They could be anywhere, on any moon or world spinnin." Jayne grunted.

" Kae has a way to track them that is a carefully guarded secret. I can't tell you and I won't. She said if I told a single soul, next time she saw me she would remove a body part that I'm rather fond of." He cleared his throat again. "She tracked them to Shadow, she is positive that the thieves don't know they are being traced and we have a chance to get the jump on them there."

Sadness seemed to touch Mal's eyes as he spoke of Shadow, but it was fleeting. He straightened and looked around at us all. "As usual, it most likely will be plenty dangerous but worth it."

"I'm in." Jayne was quick to say. The others soon agreed with the exception of Inara.

"Hawks fly, horses run. The trap springs and you're caught in the dark. Who will light your candle?" River suddenly says above the others, she turns to me. _Why does she keep doing that?_

Mal looked at River, as if trying to decipher her words, but then shook his head, as if he was used to her behavior, maybe he is. Then he looked at me again, his eyes so blue and intense even from across the length of the table.

"So Liara, are you in?"


	11. Eyes Open

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity people places or things.

Chapter 11

Eyes Open

What could I say? "Aye Captain, I'm in." I answered quietly. The crew began talking around me again before Mal restored order.

"Right. Wash set a course for Shadow, shortest route possible. Don't worry about Alliance cruisers overmuch; we will deal with that when we come to it. We need to get to Shadow before the thieves decide to move on. Most likely they plan to jump moons to confuse anyone that might be tailing them. Zoe, Jayne, I will need you to help with extraction of the animals. Jayne when we land scout ahead find out where the thieves are lying low and we will plan our next move. Kaylee, see if you can rig an area in the cargo bay for the horses, stalls and such. Perhaps our good doctor will help, and Shepherd. I will wave Kae and tell her our plan."

With that the crew dispersed, I stayed behind to clear the dishes from the table. There were no leftovers but I didn't expect any with this crew. River quietly helped me carry the dishes to the sink and then left just as silent. I saw Kaylee walking with Simon down the corridor, she laughed and touched his arm when he turned and said something I couldn't hear. Inara helped set the chairs to rights around the table as Mal was leaving. He turned at the stairs. "Sorry Shadow won't have any possible Clients for you to entertain, Inara."

"Don't concern yourself over my clients Mal; I'm very capable of entertaining myself for the time being." She said smugly and then whisked by him with the whisper of satin on the stair. From the look on Mal's face he wasn't sure what to make of her sly comment. I smiled at him as he turned to me, nodded and went in the direction of the bridge.

The galley settled into quiet once again, warm and cozy it was becoming one of my favorite places on Serenity. I began to wash dishes and found solace in the simple mechanics of the chore. I remembered Aunt Brielle's kitchen and how I hated washing up after dinner. The boys would run off into the barn out back to horse around or down to the pond for a swim while I was held captive until the last fork and mug had been cleaned, dried and put away. The injustice of it all! But what I wouldn't give to be back there once again, to have escaped to Harvest. But you can't rewrite the past, only live through it and learn from it, as Uncle Rand was fond of saying. Poor Uncle Rand, gone these five years past. Aunt Brielle had kept the Ranch for as long as she could but the last I had heard before I left home was she had sold it to a distant cousin and moved off world to live with her younger sister. She couldn't abide the place without her husband and with no children to comfort her it wasn't home anymore. If only mother had decided to move away, tried anything but what she did. _You can't rewrite the past._

I placed the clean mismatched plates in their spaces in the cupboards followed by the mugs and Inara's teacup. I wondered why Mal hadn't given me an assignment. Was he wary of my injury? Was it because I was the new member aboard or did it hearken back to the trust that didn't exist between him and me? If I can't do my part to help what good am I? I wiped the counters down; my ribs pulled slightly but were already feeling better, thanks to the doctor's salve no doubt. _And the fact that no one has added to the collection of bruises certainly helps._ "I just have to prove myself is all, and I will." I whispered to the empty room.

"Liara?" I jerked my head up. The room was no longer empty. Mal stood in the doorway and was slowly approaching me. Panic welled and threatened to rise in my throat and bring my breakfast with it. _Calm, calm, stay calm._ My eyes darted around the silent galley. We were alone_. He isn't Aldren Reeve_. But my palms began to sweat and my heart raced despite myself. Aldren had appeared to be a decent man too, at first. A memory, dark as a black hole, rose unbidden before my eyes. That night on another ship. The night I discovered the captain's gray eyes told lies and behind his handsome face Aldren was a different man altogether.

_Aldren had found me in the storeroom doing inventory of our foodstuffs. "Did you need something Captain?" The rest of the crew had gone to their bunks hours ago. Aldren had been courteous and attentive the month I'd been on Valkery. He was handsome and charming and made sure the crew minded their manners around me. I had been worried at first when I learned I was the only woman crew member but Aldren seemed to look after me. I didn't have a reason to beware the captain. Stupid, naïve girl. "Yes, Hawke. I do." He stood in the doorway and walked to me. He reached up and unpinned my hair and wound his fingers in it. "Captain, what…" I took a step back and met the metal shelves that covered the wall. "Shh, Hawke. I thought you said you could help me." He came up and leaned in, his other arm braced on the wall behind me. Then he was pulling me to him and crushing his mouth to mine. I gasped and pulled away, putting both hands on his chest and pushing. "Reeve, no!" I couldn't make him budge. Fear was washing over me like a wave; it was all I could think of. "What I need, Hawke is you. Not your permission." He kicked the door shut behind him._

I wrenched my thoughts away from the evil grip of recall with a gasp, and found myself clutching the countertop for dear life. I felt dizzy, my head buzzing. _No, I will not faint again! I am stronger than that. _I looked up. Mal had stopped on the other side of the stovetop island where I stood, his hands out palms up as if reaching to me. "Are you alright? You seem…"

I focused on him and straightened up and took a deep breath, steadying myself again. Must I always seem weak to him? His eyes were concerned and looked me over. _Do blue eyes lie as well as gray?_ "Something I can help you with Captain?"

"Yes, Liara, there is."


	12. Captain's Request

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity characters, places or things.

Chapter 12

Captain's Request

Mal stopped across from Liara. The girl's face had lost all color, her eyes locked in terror at something far away. He wanted to pull her out of whatever living nightmare she seemed to be caught in, make the demons loosen their grip, but he forced himself to stay put, ready to catch her. Liara took a deep breath and her eyes sharpened focus on him once again. She straightened with a slight shudder but she stood up and slowly relaxed the death grip on the stovetop. Girl was made of strong stuff. Whatever was being triggered must have been hell to live through but she was here trying to get it together.

Sometimes he had nights where sounds of laser fire and explosions, firefights and screams echoed in his dreams even after all these years later. Like the scars he carried on his body, yet scars to the soul were not as quick to heal. The war left its mark on all who had fought or lost someone to it.

"Is there something I can help you with Captain?" Liara asked. Her voice was strong and sure no trace of a tremor. She held his attention and his eyes with hers. Steeling herself for how he would answer?

"Yes Liara, there is." Mal relaxed his arms. "You mentioned you had experiences with horses."

"Aye…"

"I will need your help. I grew up on a ranch and though it's been awhile I know what the horses will need. But the rest of the crew doesn't have much experience. Zoe and Jayne can ride but you can come in handy once the animals are aboard. That's my notion anyway. Are you up for it?" He watched her take it in, ponder a moment.

"Yes, Captain. I am."

"Much obliged Liara." He had spoken with Kae. Her horses were high spirited and would require extra attention once on Serenity. He was hoping both the horses and Liara would benefit from each other's company. Her eyes had lit up at breakfast when he had shared the hologram display. He remembered growing up on his mother's ranch on Shadow. Besides giving the hands a bother of a time and running his mother ragged he loved spending time in the stables. The smell of hay and musk of horse was always comforting to him. Most nights he would fall asleep there after a day of mucking and grooming. Good to have a fond memory to balance out the bad now and then.

"You're earning your keep already. Best meals I've eaten in a long time."

Liara relaxed another notch and offered that sad little smile. "Thank you kindly Captain."

"When you are done here see if Kaylee needs any help down in Cargo."

"Sure."

He turned and headed to his bunk to set his gear and weapons in order. It would be an interesting day. He glanced back over his shoulder. Liara was untying her apron and stowing it away. One day at a time, he thought. Skittish colts eventually learn to trust, so would she.

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The captain left with a glance over his shoulder. My legs felt all a wobble. Like when you try to stand after being spun in dizzy circles on a swing. Between my dreams and these waking nightmares I would have no peace and not much sleep. "Maybe the Doc can give me something for these attacks." _Means you have to tell him about them_, the voice whispered. I shook my head. If Mal was giving me a job to do I better darn well be capable. I can't worry that I'm going to launch into a fit at some inopportune moment and get myself or someone else hurt or even killed. He was giving me a chance despite the fact that pieces of me were broken and might never mend. There would be scars if I ever let the wounds a chance to heal. I smoothed my hair back and went to find Kaylee.

When I emerged out into the cargo bay Shepherd Book and Simon were carefully moving cargo about to make space.

"When we had the cows we made a big pen, remember?" Kaylee asked, her arms crossed supervising the gentlemen.

"Yes. But…" Simon began.

"But?"

"The horses may be easier to care for if they are in stalls like," Book put in.

"Hmm, good point Shepherd."

I stepped out on to the catwalk. River lay on her stomach, her face turned toward the group in the bay, one arm dangling off the metal grate. "Gravity pulls, tugs, even between the stars," she muttered quietly.

I couldn't tell if she was talking to me, of me or about something else entirely. "River? Do you need help?"

" No. Can feel better here, close to the heart. Hers. Mine."

"O..K." I moved down the stairs.

"Liara! What do you think? Pen or stalls, we can't decide," Kaylee asked with a smile.

"Well, I would say stalls. These horses are likely bred to be high spirited. Stalls would work best while we transport. But we should make them big enough to get in and groom the animals and make sure the horses can see one another."

"Any suggestions on how we can do that in here?" Simon asked politely.

"Sure, let's see what we have to work with."

So we got down to it and managed to rig ramshackle box stalls after a fashion, from ropes, straps, crates and nets secured so they wouldn't shift and cause the animals to panic. There was just one thing, a group of netted boxes that were hanging above our make shift stable along the outer wall. None of us were tall or strong enough to reach it and take it down. It was secured on a hook along with other cargo looped through it. Enter Jayne. "Just what we need," I said to Kaylee. "Didn't think I'd ever say that and mean it." She giggled. "Jayne, would you do us a favor and get that net down please," I asked him as he walked up.

"What?" the big guy grunted.

I pointed. "Can you move that please?"

"What will you give me?" he asked with a sly grin.

"Gratitude." I reply dryly. Kaylee bit back a laugh.

"Look Jayne, it's for the horses and the happier and safer they are when we get them back to Kae means a bigger cut." I crossed my arms.

" 'Nuf said." He sauntered over to where the ropes were looped and tried to undo the knots. But his tugging failed to make them loosen. He reached behind and pulled a large hunting knife from a sheath secured on his belt. It looked like the one I had seen in his locker the night before.

"Jayne that may not be…" Simon started to say.

" Look Doc, you want this moved or not?"

"Of course, but…"

"Just watch." He began to saw at the strands of rope securing the cargo. The boxes dropped an inch. There was a tearing noise as the rope gave way and the bundle plummeted toward Cobb.

"Jayne! Look out!" Kaylee cried. But the crates knocked the man flat, sent him sprawling to the metal floor of the hold. He didn't move.

Simon rushed to his side. "He's breathing but unconscious." A cut was bleeding on his forehead. "Wound seems superficial but he's probably concussed. We need to get him to the infirmary." Kaylee and I looked at each other. Shift Jayne's dead, uh unconscious, weight? Kaylee ran off to get the Captain while Book, Simon and I managed to get the big lug to the sick bay and on the exam table.

"Liara, hand me the scope in that drawer behind you please?" I reached in and found a silver scope with a light on it and handed it over. Simon peeled back Jayne's eyelids and took a look. Then got his stethoscope and took a listen to Jayne's heart as Mal and Zoe came in.

"What's going on Doc?"

"Jayne dropped a load of cargo on his head Captain." Simon replied smartly.

"Will he be all right? Mal asked, glancing at Jayne's prone form.

"No neck or back injury, his head wound isn't deep. I would say he has a concussion. Though he hasn't regained consciousness yet and that troubles me a bit."

Jayne groaned and opened his eyes. "Wha- why I'm in here?" he said, slurring his words slightly.

"Jayne, how many fingers am I holding up?" Simon asked, raising two fingers.

" Stop waving 'em around and I could count 'em."

"You have a concussion."

"Do not. I'm just fine." He swung his feet over the side of the table and stood up, just to have his knees go out. Simon and Mal caught him and made him sit back on the table.

"Guess you're skull's not as thick as we thought." Mal said.

"Thick enough that my brain pan isn't all over the cargo bay," Jayne muttered darkly.

" If you will excuse us. I have to examine Jayne for internal injuries."

"Behave for the Doctor, Jayne," Zoe said form the doorway as we all filed out in the corridor.

"Hold up. We need to talk. This changes our plans for horse snatching…or snatching back. We'll see what Simon says about Jayne. If he's out of commission I need a third who can shoot and ride to join Zoe and me. I will call you when I have an answer on Jayne."


	13. Gotta Be Somebody

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity People, places or things.

Thank you to everyone who read and reviewed! You make my day with your positive feedback. Keep reading and I'll keep writing!

Chapter 13

Gotta Be Somebody

Kaylee and Book followed me back to the bay while Zoe stayed behind, her and Mal talked quietly. "Well, I'm fair useless in this venture," Kaylee said crossing her arms as we stopped in the center of the cargo hold.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Can't ride, at least nothin' with four legs, and I can't shoot. Tried once, just can't." She scuffed her feet on the on the metal floor.

"That's nothing to be ashamed of Kaylee," Book said kindly.

"Shepherd's right Kaylee, you have talents in other areas. Count your blessings that you don't have to raise a weapon to someone," I said as I laid a hand on her shoulder.

"I guess you are right, though knowing how to defend myself could come handy. We had a run in with a bounty hunter once and…" She shuddered.

"No need to drudge up the past," Book whispered.

"I can teach you some tricks, how to get away from a larger, stronger opponent."

"I like that idea! Thanks Liara." Kaylee brightened.

"Call it a return favor for fixing up my room."

Kaylee turned to Book. "What about you Shepherd, you going to be the third?"

"I can shoot but never did learn to sit a horse." He replied.

I looked at Kaylee in question and looked back at Book. "Uh, you can shoot?"

"Rabbits, kneecaps…the good Shepherd here isn't your run of the mill holy man," Kaylee responded with a smirk. "Good thing too, he's helped us out of a scrap now and then."

"And got us into a one or two," Book muttered.

"What's going on?" We all looked up; Inara had come out onto the catwalk. "I was on the COM with an old friend and I heard a crash." Must have been some conversation if she was just noticing the commotion.

"Jayne dropped some crates on his head," I filled her in.

"Ahh, that's unfortunate. What of Mal's plans?"

"He might need a third for the job," Book replied.

"How about you Nara? You can ride, must have been in your Companion training, can you shoot?" Kaylee inquired. Horseback riding, archery, and fencing- memories of training in the courtyards and gardens of the House of Doves floated to the fore. Girls and young women in beautiful gowns learning court dances with fans, little girls lined up in rows, I among them practicing court greetings. My first attempt at a curtsey in a slender gown as a clumsy ten year old sent me crashing into my cousin Shae. We had tumbled to the grass dissolving in giggles while Madame Arya, whom we secretly called the Iron Butterfly, stood over us tapping her fan until we came to order.

"I can ride and shoot but this is not the sort of job I'm suited for." She gave us a knowing smile. "I'm more of a help using my particular skills in other ways. I'm no rough rider; you'll have to count me out of this mission." She gracefully descended and headed for the infirmary, just as Mal appeared in the doorway followed by Zoe and Wash who joined us on the floor.

"Alright. Simon has checked Jayne out and it's a concussion and some bruising. Doc wants to watch him for a day or so and won't clear him 'til then, so we are going to need a third as can rough ride, bareback and can fight. We may avoid a tussle but best be prepared." Mal said looking at us all.

Wash stepped forward. "I can help. Not sure how I'll fare with the riding part though, Mal."

"I appreciate that Wash, I need you at the helm, waiting to make our getaway and scanning for trouble."

"Really? Or do you not want me along after the last job we did together?"

Mal absently rubbed his left ear. "Truly Wash, I need you here." The others then voiced their thoughts. My heart hammered in my chest and threatened to jump up into my throat.

I stepped up. "I will go, Captain. I can rope and ride, shoot and fight hand to hand if need be." I crossed my arms to hide my nerves. This would be a chance to prove myself, even though dangerous.

Zoe shot Mal a look. "What about Simon?" She asked.

"Needs to stay with Jayne."

"River?"

"Zoe, Simon would rather have me keelhauled then let his sister go out on a dangerous job. Besides, she could go all moon brained and get us all killed." Mal turned to me and I straightened up. "Liara, you'll be our third, if the doctor says you're well enough. Check with him and then come see me. We'll get our plan of action ready."

I nodded smartly. "Thank you Captain." Kaylee smiled at me and I went to find our good doctor.

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Mal looked around the hold. "Wash meet me on the Bridge in a few minutes." His pilot scurried off. "Good job Kaylee, Shepherd. This space looks promising."

"Thanks Cap. Liara was a big help."

"Kaylee, let's finish moving those crates Jayne kindly got down for us." Book said gesturing to the jumble Jayne had left.

"A word, sir." Zoe said stiffly. Mal turned to his first mate, her face was blank but he knew her well.

"Go ahead Zoe."

"Are you sure you want Liara along? Is she strong enough? Do you trust her enough to give her a gun and watch your back? We've had her on this boat for two days and you want her along on a job."

"I know we don't know much about her now, we won't learn anything if we don't give her a chance. Trust has to be earned both ways, Zoe. Besides she comes from good stock, her pa was a Browncoat, good man."

"You know her father?"

"Knew him, or of him. It was before you and I were stationed together. Marcus Hawke was a captain of an airborne squadron in the war, met him twice. Man made quite an impression. Fire and grit, fearless. His squad was shot down over Serenity Valley."

"Does Liara know that you met her father?"

"No. When we hired her on her name was so familiar but it didn't hit me 'til last night. I see the same bravery in the girl that made Marcus a hero. I'll tell her but not today. Let's worry about pulling this job off first."

"Aye, sir. If you're sure she's good for it."

"She isn't some sheltered dove, Zoe. I have a feeling she's been in more dangerous spots then where we're headed and she's made it this far. Let's go see that husband of yours, we need a flight plan." He glanced around. Kaylee was watching him. "Tell Liara I'm up on the Bridge, if you would Kaylee."

"Sure thing Cap'n." She said quietly. He could practically see the wheels in her head turning. She had overheard his secret, if it could be called that, and was wondering if she should tell Liara. Mal gave her half a smile. She nodded in return and he turned to follow Zoe to Serenity's Bridge.

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I found Simon in the infirmary with Jayne, giving instructions to the big guy to keep awake. Inara stood outside in the corridor looking in. She was resplendent in a gown of violet velvet with silver combs in her dark hair and a fiery amethyst stone at her throat. She was so beautiful. I remembered envying my cousin Shae her honey blonde locks and delicate features, all the training in the 'Verse would never make me beautiful. My mother used to say I was striking, my brothers called me cute. Not plain but not pretty either. I hadn't played at being a lady much after I left the House to hear any would be beaus make lovesick remarks about my eyes or my smile to convince me otherwise. _Aldrin found you attractive enough._ He used to say every woman was the same in the dark. Yet Aldrin had loved my hair, when he wasn't threatening to shave me bald. Deep chestnut shot with red, thick and nearly long enough to sit on it was my one beauty. Aldrin had loved to run his fingers through it bury his face in it, wrench it in punishment. I almost cut it a thousand times, just to deprive him of it, but I remembered how my father had loved my long hair. Now it remained as a vow to make Marcus Hawke proud and to find what remained of my family.

"Liara?" Inara said softly, touching my shoulder.

I started. "Sorry, just lost in thought. Just waiting to see Simon."

"Nothing is wrong I hope."

"No, Mal…uh, the captain has asked me to be his third for this job, the Doc needs to give me the okay is all."

Simon cleared his throat as he stood in the doorway. "Couldn't help but overhear. Liara, we can step into an empty bunk if you don't mind. Inara could you stay with Jayne for a few minutes and keep him awake? Unless you'd like Inara in the room with us, as nurse?" Simon asked in his very proper manner.

"Oh. No that's fine, thank you doctor."

"Let me grab a few things." He came back with a roll of bandages and a jar. Inara floated into the sick bay and seemed to enjoy poking Jayne awake. Simon and I went down the hall, past our rooms to an empty one used for storage. There was a chair in the center of the room and he placed his supplies on it and slid the panel door shut. "Now, if you would lift you shirt please so I can look at your ribs." I hesitated a moment. "You're safe, Liara. Trust me." Everyone was telling me that lately. "Just like yesterday. I want to change the wrapping. I can call Inara in…"

"No. I'd rather no one else know about my bruises anyways." I took a breath and lifted up my shirt hem, my ribs pulled at the motion. "That salve must be good stuff Doc, my ribs already feel much better."

He eyed me and stepped in and unwrapped my ribs, pressing lightly here and there. It was tender but I didn't get any stabbing-I hissed in pain. "Sorry, they are healing nicely but you are going to have some sore spots, like that one. Your bruises have changed colors again, they are healing as well. Do you feel well enough to do this job, no matter that the captain needs you?" he asked as he reapplied the salve with gentle fingers.

I tried not to squirm and step back, disconcerted by our proximity. _Get a grip he's your doctor, he's not out to do you harm._ Valkyerie's doctor had been a half inept old man who learned his skills on a battlefield; he hadn't harmed me either, aside from being ignorant. "Yes I do, Doc." I said answering his question. He looked up at me as if to make sure of my determination as he wrapped my ribs in fresh gauze.

" 're cleared, but please be careful, try not to get kicked by a horse. That would be very bad for your ribs." He said wryly.

"I 'spect so Simon. As would being shot, I'll try to avoid both." He finished up tying off the bandage nice and snug. I let my shirt fall back over my battered torso. "Doc, I…I've been having these nightmares, I guess you'd call them. Except they happen when I'm awake, some of them at the oddest moments."

"Are they about random events or memories?" He asked crossing his arms and standing before me.

"Memories." _Bad ones._ "I don't have any control over when they happen. I'm afraid…that they will happen out on this job and get someone hurt." _Or killed_.

"Do they make you relive past trauma?"

"Yes," I whispered.

"Are you willing to share them with someone? In my experience it can help bleed the fear off a memory or a dream, like drawing poison from a wound." He asked kindly. His face concerned.

"No. No I don't think so."

"Perhaps one day you will feel comfortable enough to tell someone. Only when you are ready. No one can force you to share things you don't want to." He gave me a little reassuring smile.

_Wanna bet? Aldrin forced you to give plenty away_. I clamped my teeth together and focused on Simon. "I can give you something. It's seemed to help River; she is plagued by nightmares quite often. It's an herbal infusion I picked up on one of the moons, it's legit. No bogus ingredients.

"Book said she was recovering."

"Ah, yes." Simon looked me in the eyes. His were a warm brown with secrets lying behind. A look I knew well. "She had so much stolen from her and is slowly trying to recover who she is, who she was, if it's possible. Some days I'm not sure it is." He sounded so sad for a moment, that I reached out and touched his arm before I could think. I snatched it back, embarrassed.

"I understand what she's going through." I whispered. "Don't give up on her."

"Never." A knock came on the door and Simon went and slid it back.

Kaylee popped her head in. She smiled warmly at Simon. "Hope I'm not interrupting?"

"No Kaylee, we were finished. Thank you. I'll get you those herbs Liara." He ducked out and she stepped in.

"Can't tell you how much I'd love to be holed up in a room playing doctor with Simon," she said looking over her shoulder.

"Yeah well, no worries Kaylee. Getting a checkup is a far cry from a good time. You sweet on him?" I smiled at her.

Her eyes lit up and she came up beside me and leaned in conspiratorially. "For ages! Can't seem to get him to make a move though, he so darned polite. But he wants to, I know it. He's just so distracted with River and all. So I just let him be. Not used to fellas taking their time." She giggled and winked at me.

"Then it will be well worth the wait when Simon's ready to make his move." I winked back.

Her smile was so wide her cheeks had to be hurting. "You got anybody sweet on you? Back home maybe?" she asked as we leaned in the doorway.

The good feeling of long missed girl-talk vanished along with my smile. "I was too much of a tom-boy to care if boys gave me _that_ kind of attention. Even after my training at the House, like finishing school, I begged to go to flight school soon after that, when I was sixteen. Four years of that and then the War came. Then no one had time to ne sweet on anyone or dared to, in case they didn't come back, you know?" Now there was no one at home missing me, just a twisted gray eyed monster searching the 'Verse to take his revenge.

"That's kinda sad. What about now? You set your cap on anyone?"

Intense blue eyes flashed before me. I shook my head in denial for myself as much as for Kaylee.

"Not very convincing! Come on, who is it?"

Simon came out of the infirmary with a little packet in hand. "Brew it like a tea and take it once a day, I'd recommend at night before sleep and let me know if you have _any_ relapses."

"Thank you Doctor." I turned to our mechanic. "Sorry Kaylee, have to go find the captain."

"Oh! He told me to tell you to meet him on the Bridge. Don't worry! I'll get it out of you."

"You can try Kaylee." I said as I left. "Won't do you any good. Nothing to tell."


	14. Tears in the Rain

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity persons, places or things.

Chapter 14

Tears in the Rain

Hours from our making landfall on Shadow I sat in the galley, a warm cup of the herbal tincture Simon had given me steeping like tea before me on the table next to a pistol Mal had left in my care. Lunch had come and gone, we'd dined on toasted sandwiches, some precious fresh apples and tea. Everyone had cleared out again and I was alone. I studied the holograms of the horses again, learning their names and markings by heart all the while going over the plan the Captain had devised.

Wash would land Serenity in a concealing rocky outcrop and take the mule and drop us some distance from the thieves' camp. We would hike in and stake the place out til dusk then make our move, grab the horses and ride hell bent for Serenity and high tail it out of there. Thanks to Kae we knew exactly where the horses and thieves were camped, on a flat spur of land dotted with a few trees where there was water. Though the planet would by no means be the fertile place it was before the War some things had re-grown. Mal had said he had grown up there on his Mother's ranch. I wondered what had happened to her and her homestead. Mal's eyes had shown such pain at her mention it couldn't be a happy ending. I looked down into my teacup. To lose your mother created a wound on your soul that was slow to heal- some days it felt as raw as it had at first, like it would never close over and always be a gaping hole.

I closed my eyes as the memory forced its way up from the dark corner I had exiled it to. _It was a warm night and all the manor's windows were thrown open wide to let the supper breezes drift in while we slept. They carried with them the scent of blossoms from the flowering trees in the orchards and the fresh smell of coming rains. But I lay awake that night my eyes red and raw. I hadn't slept much in weeks, not since we got the news that Father had been shot down on a planet called Hera-worlds away. Then came the message that Jensen had been killed in action. Mother had fainted dead away and had taken to her bed since. I knew she didn't sleep either, her cries and anguished weeping filled the house once everyone was abed. The maids had begged her to take some sedatives the doctor had left behind but she refused. They appealed to me and we finally began to spike her food. That only worked until she stopped eating. Nothing I said or did could get her to eat. She began to shrink before my terrified eyes and became a vacant shell of the woman that had once run this household, several charities, and organized scores of social events, been a loving mother and a strong wife. Suddenly Mother's crying got quieter and stopped. I threw on my robe and hurried down the hall on bare feet to the door of her suite. "Mother, can I get you anything?" I said, knocking and trying the door. It was locked. No answer came from within and I began pounding on the door and trying to force it open. "Mother! Please let me in."_

"_Miss? What is the matter?" Wren our butler came up behind me in his night clothes._

"_Her door, I can't get it open." _

"_Hold Miss Liara, I have a key." He hurried to his room and with shaking hands he unlocked the door. I stumbled in my haste and scrambled into her bedroom. All was dark; her bed was empty save for a knotted mess of sheets and covers. A gust of wind made me turn toward her alcove where the balcony was, a sick feeling in my stomach._

"_Mother?"_

"_Liara?" she answered weakly. I breathed a sigh of relief until I went to the doorway. My mother stood on the marble balustrade. _

"_Mother! Come inside, it's going to rain and you'll get sick." My heart raced, she stood scant inches from open air, her body swaying from weakness and the buffet of the winds that now pushed a rainstorm over us. _

"_I hear them on the wind, Liara."_

"_Who Mother?" I inched closer. _

"_Marcus and Jensen. They call to me. If I go the pain will stop, this hurt will go away."_

"_Mother, you are not alone. You have me. And Braden is still out there." _

"_He's missing, he's dead."_

"_But I'm here, don't leave me." I took another step._

"_One day you'll fly away from me too, my little bird." _

_I stepped in the doorway, tears making tracks down my cheeks mixed with the rain that softly fell. I reached my hand out. "Mother, please come down." _

"_I have to fly to him. I love you Liara." She turned into the rain and stepped off the edge as I leapt forward to try to catch her. I fell to my knees on the cold, wet marble as my ears filled with the sound of my screaming._

A teardrop fell in my tea and I touched my wet cheek and drew a shuddering breath as I fought for control. All I wanted to do was put my head in my hands and cry until there was no more tears however long it took. I looked up and gasped. River stood beside me. She moved so silently. She stared at me, her eyes dark windows to a world removed, haunted eyes, hunted eyes. I had caught glimpses of eyes like that in my mirror reflected back at me. She caught a tear as it dripped off my chin and stared at where it rested on her finger, glistening. "Tears in the rain. She flew away, left the nest empty and broken."

Gooseflesh prickled up the back of my neck and up into my scalp at her words. She focused on me again as if trying to read my bruised and broken soul. Perhaps she saw something there that reminded her of herself. She crossed her arms across her body and clutched her shoulders. "They left, she left. It's not your fault."She whispered in a quiet deadpan. But a wave of emotion crashed threatening to drown me. I got up from the table and went to the sink and gripped the counter taking deep gulps of air, on the brink of breaking down at her words. Those 4 words I had told myself for years without truly believing them, but now hearing another human being affirm that the deaths that I relived in my nightmares were not my fault rang with truth.

Another death, however, stained me blood red. But that was indeed my doing. I wouldn't refute it. For that reason I was being hunted, to pay for past sins but not why I was running. I was done being a slave to my past, to my nightmares and to a man. But I didn't have the strength yet to strike the iron shackles from my spirit and stand on my own. But I was starting to. I ran some water in the sink and splashed my face with it. It was cold with a slight metallic tang and it helped clear my head. I dried my face and when I looked up River was gone.

I wiped my cheeks with the back of my hands and took a deep breath. I was supposed to be preparing for a job, not weeping over what was past and couldn't be changed. If only it didn't haunt me so.

"Everything alright in here?" I turned. Zoe stepped into the galley. I forced a smile as I wiped my hands on my pants.

"Yes, all good."

She eyed me. I was conscious of the damp spots the tears left on my shirt. "I was just thinking of someone."

"Back home?" 

"No, someone I lost."

"I'm sorry. It's not easy losing ones you love. You carry them with you but at the same time there is a hole in your heart." She said quietly.

"Yes, there is." I wondered who she had lost. But her face cleared and she got down to business.

"Captain wanted us to meet him in the bay for final prep. We are making our approach planetside."

I nodded at her and grabbed up my short black coat and put the borrowed pistol in the holster on my hip and followed Zoe. Here we go, no turning back now.


	15. Shadow Run

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity people, places or things.

I wanted to say thanks to everyone still reading and reviewing! I know I have been working on this story for a long time. I promise I will not leave it unfinished. It's been living in my head for years and I have to get it all down and I will. Enjoy this chapter, please bear with me. I'm not the best at writing action scenes so it may not be my best chapter yet. Hope you enjoy it though!

Chapter 15

Shadow Run

I stifled a sneeze as I lay there on the stony rise, belly down on the dusty ground staring through dried scrub and brush that offered meager cover. Zoe shifted slowly next to me, Mal was on my other side, his gun propped up on the stones as the three of us peered down into a little hollow. Grass grew in scattered clumps; a few twisted trees would offer at best scraps of shade if the sun was high. As it was shadows of deep purple stretched across the barren landscape. Large tumbles of rock were scattered over the hills and flat plains of Shadow. To the west the burning star that was this planet's sun was setting in fiery red-gold glory.

I would have taken a moment to appreciate its beauty if not for the trio of men milling around a rustic camp site below us. The horses were picketed together near the largest of three trees. The men were none too smart, if one horse got its stake loose they would all follow. But I smiled, it would make our job quick and easy I hoped. Except…I made eye contact with Mal and pointed out the big black stallion tied on the other side of camp. Mal nodded at me and I could see his eyes dart around reassessing the best way to get it done. But we had to bide our time until dusk fell. The gloaming would help cover our approach and give us time to ride out before full night fell. The air was dry and a slight breeze blew carrying a strange acrid scent. Shadow was uninhabitable thanks to the War and though things were growing here, or trying, too long a time spent on the planet was hazardous. It made sense that smugglers and thieves would use it as a short term hideout.

My heart was pumping away frantically, adrenaline moving through my veins, heartbeat so loud I was surprised no one could hear it. My hands were cold with nerves despite the warmth of the stones we hid behind and my eyes locked on the horses below, wishing it were over and I could kick back on Serenity with a big mug of tea. The light was fading fast around us, Mal reached out and touched my arm and I nearly jumped out of my skin. "Easy." He quirked a quick smile. "Here's the plan," he whispered. "Zoe, you and Liara get the five and I will get the stallion. Free the horses and get back to the ship, whatever happens. Keep your heads down, move as fast and quiet as you can and keep your ear pieces in. Good luck."

We nodded and began our slow and careful way down to the horses. The thieves' camp was aglow with firelight as the sunlight melted away. Kae's horses were outside the aura of warmth, they stamped and shifted, tails flicked to and fro as Zoe and I crept closer. The familiar musk of horse reached out to envelope me in comforting memory of nights in Aunt Brielle's stables as a girl, waiting for mares to foal, or trail riding with Uncle Rand. I geared my focus back to the task at hand and kept an eye on Zoe. My pistol sat ready in its holster but unstrapped.

"Can't wait till the ship gets here tomorrow." One of the thieves complained. His voice reminded me of someone. I shook my head and crept as silently along as I could.

"Only been here two days, don't winge," another replied. "Captain will be here in the mornin'. Then we can all sleep in our own bunks. For now, man up."

Zoe and I reached the picket line, the horses snorted and started when we emerged from the thicket of brush.

"What's up with those nags now?" We froze in place.

"Probably just getting a whiff of Daws' cookin' is all. Those creatures are too high strung, darn skittish at everything."

My heart, already tripping double time in fear almost stopped. Daws? I knew a man named Daws once. On the Valkery. I didn't have time for this and I closed my eyes. _It isn't the same man and don't you dare have a memory fit now, so help me. _I opened my eyes to find Zoe's on me. She held my gaze for a second and then began to slice the picket lines staked into the ground. Each horse was on a lead and connected to its neighbor. I began to cut cords on the other end of the line and nodded at her when I finished, they were free. She gave me a hand signal, mount up. I looked across camp for Mal but he was nowhere to be seen but the Stallion sounded restless.

Zoe threw herself over the back of a tall bay mare. "Mal, we've got the five!" I whispered. My ear piece crackled lightly. "Go on get going back to Serenity," he whispered back.

"Hey! What's going on over there with them animals?" I reached up and began to pull myself up on the back of a blue roan gelding when everything went wrong. Zoe glanced at me and dug her heels in and took off. The small commandeered herd following close and fast behind.

"The horses are loose!" The men cried. I struggled to find my seat on the satiny bare back as the horse began to follow its fellows when a hand grabbed my ankle and yanked. My steed took off as I fell from his back, hitting the cold ground with an agonized gasp, breath left me and fire broke out along my ribs. Trying to breathe I turned over to face the thief. He lurched towards me; I sat up and kicked his kneecap. He cursed as it buckled and put him off balance. "Gorammit!"

At least Zoe was well away with Kae's horses. I struggled to my feet gasping; each breath sent sharp pain through my chest. The man recovered and came at me again, backlit by the fire's glow. A round of gunfire made me duck, until I realized it wasn't aimed at me. Mal was pinned down behind a boulder still well away from the stallion. "Daws! Where are the horses man!" one man cried from the trees. My attacker grabbed my arms with thick fingers in an iron grip, a dark looming shape in the deepening night. I drove my knee into his groin as he pulled me close enough to smell liquor on his breath. As he fell to his knees I looked him in the face. Recognition trickled into his eyes alongside the pain, firelight dancing on his grimaced features. "Hawke?"He wheezed.

I took my pistol and drove the butt down on his head. He keeled over at my feet. "Daws." He would have a wicked splitting head when he woke, but wake he would. I had enough blood on my hands. I felt a tiny bit of satisfaction. How many bruises had he given me, how many times had he groped me behind Aldren's back? _You know what they say about payback._ Another round spit from the shotguns of the thieves in the trees. Mal returned fire.

"Idiot! Don't hit that stallion. He's worth three times the others!" One thief yelled at the other. I realized with a start that I recognized their voices as well. Spaulding and Banes. Two more from Aldren's crew. _That means the ship arriving in the morning is the Valkery_. I felt panic rising in my throat threatening to paralyze me. I swallowed it down. I needed to get to Mal.

"Mal? You okay?" I whispered to my earpiece as I made my way around the dark edge of the camp. If we were lucky Banes and Spaulding didn't know I was here at all.

"Liara!? Why aren't you away with Zoe?"

"Slight complication, it's handled. You alright Captain?"

"Nothing serious but they got me pinned and I can't reach the horse."

"I've got an idea. Can you keep them distracted?"

"Sure can. Be much obliged if you could hurry it up."

"On my way." I crept through the brush as Mal moved closer to the center of camp, diving behind another cluster of rocks as they fired on him. I reached the big black, he was at least 16 hands if not closer to 18, and was frantically dancing on the little bit of lead he had. The shots had him spooked bad. I came closer and whispered to him, tugging him back down to earth as he tossed his head. He would've been difficult to mount standing still, luckily a rotted stump served as a mounting block. I took the rope lead and tied it to his halter, maybe he would respond to a neck rein since he didn't have a bit in. Somehow I made it up on his back. My ribs were screaming at me, Doc would have my head, if I survived this. I swung the gorgeous black around and headed for Mal but the stallion just wanted to run. It took all my horsemanship to keep my seat on his broad back.

Just as I suspected the men ceased fire as I emerged from the dark on ebony silk. I halted before Mal, hooves dancing on the stones. As I reached my arm down for Mal the Valkery men cursed and ran from the trees towards us. Mal fired and Spaulding tumbled to the dirt with a hoarse cry clutching his shoulder. The Captain grasped my arm and swung up behind me. "Quick now. Head west, to your left," Mal instructed.

"Not back to Serenity?"

"No, I know a place we can take cover for the night."

"Hold on." I spurred the steed into a gallop and he let loose, eager to run. Mal reached his arms around and leaned into me. I ignored the flaring pain in my ribs and gritted my teeth trying not to think about Mal's body pressed against the back of mine. Gun shots cracked behind us.

"Gorammit," Mal muttered into my ear. "They've got a rover, it's a ground unit though, not a hover craft. Still coming though." I knew they wouldn't stop until they had the horses back, knowing they would face Aldren's wrath in the morning. "Bear right at this stand of trees, we are heading into that canyon."

"Are you mad? It's night Mal. Where are we going?"

"We are going to disappear. Trust me." On the upside, we had to be near impossible to see as it was. Two darkly dressed riders on a black horse, no moon to cast any light. Course, when careening on a wildly spirited horse through a night-dark canyon a little moonlight wouldn't have gone amiss. I prayed our mount wouldn't find a gopher or a rabbit hole. It sickened me to think what might happen. I turned my thoughts back to our wild ride. Wind was cold in my face, the heart racing thrill of a gallop that was like flying through the black across night shrouded Shadow.

I was amazed Mal knew where we were, until I remembered he had grown up here. It must have been littered with settlements, farms and ranches once. Now it was a ghost planet decimated during the War. _Wonder what he is feeling?_ I imagine something akin to seeing Hawke's Mere silent and empty save for my palpable grief and the ghosts of what once was.

"Slow up a bit, almost there. Haven't heard the rover in a while. I think we've lost them. I hope for good."

"What about Zoe and the crew?" I reined the stallion back to a trot.

"I filled her in before you came to get me, in-between exchanges of gunfire. All the horses are stowed. She was all for coming back, sawed off shotgun a-blazing, but they will stay put tonight and meet us at a second rendezvous point on Fraser's Ridge in the morning."

"And where are we spending the night?"

"Just up ahead." We passed some battered wooden posts leaning haphazardly, the remains of a fence. Beneath the myriads of stars I could pick out the ruins of what was once a homestead. Outbuildings were piles of rotting timbers a big cabin still seemed to have four walls and a roof mostly intact from what I could see in the dark. Mal unclasped his arms from my waist and for a moment I missed their warmth. He took a deep shuddering breath that caught in his chest. It couldn't be…

"Welcome to Reynolds Ranch Liara," he whispered.

Mal had brought us home.


	16. Where have all the cowboys gone?

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity people, places or things.

Chapter 16

Where have all the cowboys gone?

He was unprepared for the sight that was before them. Even in the dark it was like a swift kick in the head, it left him reeling and stunned. He had tried to tell himself the homestead would be gone but the litany was nothing compared to seeing his home destroyed and desolate. The place he had spent his wild and reckless childhood was a ruin. The Reynolds' corner of the 'Verse where his mother and a dozen ranch hands had raised him to be the man he was, before the War changed everything, himself included.

The stallion shifted uneasily and Liara had gone very still. It was time to get undercover for the night. He dismounted and Liara gave him the reins as she swung her leg back over and slid to the reach the ground. She gasped and was unsteady on her feet, curling over slightly before slowly straightening. He reached out and held her arms as she got herself together. He was glad to see she didn't shy away from his help this time.

"Are you okay?" he asked. He could make out her face, it was pulled in pain.

"I've been better Mal…I mean Captain. It's been a rough night on my ribs is all."

"Let's get inside." He led the horse behind as they went up to the cabin. The door was still on its hinges though the windows were all broken, jagged glass. In the dark they looked like empty soulless eyes staring out of the weathered wood. Mal paused a moment, his hand against the battered oak door. In the past he would have said a silent prayer but now he lifted his head, cleared his throat of the lump that wanted to form and pushed inside. The big front room was mostly clear of rubble and rot, the floor still whole and the roof more or less intact. He walked to horse over to where the kitchen once was. A low dividing wall breaking up the room would let the horse see them and vice versa but they wouldn't worry about getting trampled on in the night should he spook. He took some planks and made a makeshift stall door in the archway.

Liara stood by the big stone fireplace that dominated the living space. "Sorry we can't light a fire. Our luck and the chimney would go up in flames and they would definitely spot us. We can use these." He held up a couple small portable torches. They cast a sour yellow light but at least they could see one another better, and their surroundings which Mal could have done without. The furniture was gone, looted or destroyed. The cozy arm chairs with quilts over the backs. Ma's desk, the bookcases, the big black elm dining table that could sit almost every hand at once. His grandmother's old rocking chair where his mother, Miriam, who every one called Ma, would knit, darn socks or mend various articles of clothing Mal had torn holes in during his exploits. She had loved to sit by the fire and read aloud from the Bible as well.

"Mal?" Liara's quiet voice pulled him to the present. He turned back to the girl aiming her torch at him and gave her a tired attempt at a smile.

"You're the first girl I've ever brought home." He tried to joke. She fidgeted. He couldn't tell if she was blushing. She probably was.

"I'm sorry you have to see it like this. I…I know what it feels like to not have your home anymore."

"This place hasn't been home for a long time, Liara."

"Still, it once was. Seems like it would have been a great place to grow up."

"It was. Though Ma thought I wouldn't make it through my teenage years alive."

"I bet you were rambunctious." She smirked at him.

"Reckless and foolhardy Ma always said."

"Mothers always say that. Mine called me impetuous but my tutors called me a hellion." She laughed a little.

"You? Don't believe it."

"Aye, well…" her face fell a bit. She glanced at the floor and the warmth left her voice. "I was a different person once."

"So was I." He said wearily. She didn't say any more about it but cleared a space on the hearth stones and set up her torch so the beam of light helped illuminate the space better, and sat on the raised edge of the fireplace. He put his torch on the mantle and did the same. The silence grew between them and he could see her growing nervous again. "I'm going to check on our friend there." He stood again, long coat swinging.

"His name is Starfire. Oh, here." She rustled in the small satchel at her side and pulled out a handful of dried fruit. "Wish I had an apple, but that will do in a pinch."

"Why don't you give it to him?"

"Uh, ok." She stood and followed him to the makeshift stall. The stallion perked up when they entered. He nickered quietly. Liara smiled, a real one, the first he'd seen and it lit up her face and her eyes as she looked at Starfire. "Hey boy, I've got a treat for you," she told the big black. He reached towards her with his nose as she held out the fruit, flat handed. Starfire lipped her palm. Something happened as she continued talking to the horse. Mal noticed she let her guard slip inch by inch. She relaxed her body her voice was warm and laughter underlied her tone. She fed Starfire more of the fruit. "You got us out of a tough spot, good horse." Star's ears were perked in her direction, listening she scratched the white star on his forehead and pet his velvety nose with gentle hands.

Mal watched silently, not moving so as not to startle her as if she were a skittish foal. Star lifted his head and smelled the girl and snorted in her face making her laugh out loud. She turned to Mal, her face open and alive, a glimpse of joy that erased the pain that seemed to always live in her eyes. She held his gaze and for a fleeting moment Mal wondered, _what would it take for her to be that way with me?_ Then, like a cloud covers the sun, her eyes became sad again, her smile disappeared except for the halfhearted quirk of her lips. She brushed her hands on her pants and gave Starfire one last pat and stepped away. Her brows came together in concern.

"Captain, you're bleeding." She pointed to his arm.

He glanced down and sure enough there was a rent in the sleeve up near his shoulder. The area around the tear was stained dark with blood. "Aye, it's just a graze. A ricochet caught me bouncing off those rocks I hid behind. Fair forgot about it."

"I better take a look."

They went back to the hearth where he shrugged out of his coat. "I can mend that for you when we get back to the ship and try to get the blood out as well. I know a few tricks."

"Be much obliged. I'm fond of this coat; we've been through a lot together." He held the light and aimed it at his wound so Liara could see. There was a tear in his shirt as well.

"Um…" she paused. Her hands poised above his torn shirt, trying to figure out where to go from here no doubt. Mal was curious to see if she would lose her nerve.

"Squeamish?" he teased. She looked up at him for a moment as if trying to read him. She watched him a lot. She rubbed her hands on her pants and set her jaw.

"Not at all Captain. You will have to take your shirt off as well, so I can get to the wound." This time he could see her cheeks redden. She did that a lot too. As he unbuttoned his shirt she busied herself. She ripped a length of fabric from her tunic and retrieved her water flask from the satchel. She turned back to Mal and stared at his wound and nowhere else, he noticed.

That amused him for some reason. Was she raised to be prudish? Would she think it would encourage him? He thought back to Inara's comment of Liara's fear of another captain and sobered. She was nervous around Simon as well; she fought Jayne when he surprised her. The only ones she wasn't skittish around seemed to be Wash and Book. Perhaps because Wash was married and Book a Shepherd? The girl must have been sorely used if her injuries were a result of her time on some other ship.

He kept quiet as she worked. She washed the wound best she could with water, that stung a bit, and made a bandage from her tunic material and tied it nice and snug around his upper arm. She let out a deep sigh and sat back. "Do you have anything for your ribs?" He asked.

"Yes, but I can see to that later." Mal saw her glance at his bare torso and away.

"Been through my share of battles." She looked up at him. He traced a scar on his side. "Got shot here. Our ship's engine was crippled and I thought this other crew was going to give me an engine part I needed. They boarded, shot me instead and tried to take Serenity over."

"Quite a tale."

"Each one has a story to tell. This one is from a sword fight in Inara's honor." He brushed his other side.

"Sounds romantic."

"Well, not so much. She was angry at me for doing it in the first place and there isn't anythin' romantic bout getting' stabbed."

She smiled at that, a little more at ease. "What about that one?" She pointed to a circular scar above his abdomen below his breast bone. He touched it lightly and then put his shirt back on and buttoned it up.

"That one has a story, but it's one I'm not ready to tell." For a moment he was back on Niska's station with the spiderlike torture device digging into his skin while waves of excruciating pain washed through his body. There were days his bones still felt the echo.

"Sorry Mal- Captain."

"Don't be Liara. Not your doing after all. So what about you? What's your story, why are you in the Black?"


	17. Battle Scars and Stories

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity people, places or things

A huge thank you to my readers and reviewers and those following this story! You keep me inspired and motivated to get this tale down in writing and completed. Keep reading and reviewing and I will keep writing!

**Chapter 17**

**Battle scars and Stories**

_I'm the ghost of a girl that I want to be most_

_I'm the shell of a girl that I used to know well…_

_Broken pieces of a barely breathing story_

_Where there once was love_

_Now there's only me and the lonely_

_The Lonely –by Christina Perri_

I watched Mal button his shirt over his battle scars. More had stood out pale on his skin then he had shared. He certainly had seen his share of action. He had told me this work they did was on often dangerous. Here we were, camped out on an uninhabitable planet with a re-stolen horse, hiding from the thieves in a ruin of a homestead, not your typical workday that was for certain.

"My story Captain? Not much to tell." I paused. He had just shared parts of his life with me; the least I could do was share some of mine. "I'm not used to talking about myself." _Aldren had liked me silent, unless he was making me scream_. "I…don't know where to start." I shrugged. My sore ribs protested any movement at this point.

"Anywhere you want to. Where is home?"

"Londinium."

"The Core?" Mal was surprised.

"Aye, Hawke's Mere Manor was the home I grew up in, between there and summers with my aunt and uncle."

"Yet your Pa was a Browncoat."

"He was from the Rim, mother was from old money. Londinium high society. They made quite a stir when they married, let me tell you. My father had made a name for himself in the world of livestock and horse breeding. When the Alliance wanted to unify the planets Pa took up the banner for the Browncoats. He was born and bred on a border moon after all. My mother supported him no matter what, though she hated to see him leave and feared for him every minute of every day he was away."

"Your father was a good man, inspired that loyalty in his men too, you know."

"You knew my father?"

"By reputation mostly, I did meet him briefly a few times. He was a brave man, truly believed in what we were fighting for. He looked after the men in his unit as best he could so they would make it back to their families. I'm sorry he never did."

"Thank you. I think he would have liked you Captain, you two would have gotten on well."

"That's fair praise, Liara. Much obliged. What about the rest of your family?"

"My mother, she was beautiful and clever, charming and knew how to throw a party or host a dinner. She kept us all in line and ran a household as well. She was always trying to make a lady out of me." _She never realized how much I tried to live up to her example_.

I went to a Companion House to be trained in the arts, some of them anyways, in an attempt to become the daughter she always wanted." _I always fell short_. A lump began growing in my throat.

"Companion training, you are _full_ of surprises."

I couldn't tell if that was a good or a bad thing in his thinking.

"Do you have brothers?"

"Two, Jensen and Braden both older. They railed on me endlessly growing up, but we were close. They helped me drum up the courage to ask to go to flight school. I wanted to be a part of something bigger than myself. Then they enlisted when the War started and I begged to be able to go with them but Mother would not have it and Father refused. Jensen died in the same battle as Father. Braden was declared MIA but I know he's alive, somewhere in the 'Verse. He tried to send me a message turns ago and that has kept me going. So I take work where I can and keep looking."

"What about that other ship you were on, you said you worked as a galley cook for two years?"

_Galley slave, more like_. "Aye, on the Valkery." I replied quietly.

"What made you leave?"

Was he pleasantly conversing to pass the time or fishing for information. Probably both. "The captain and I didn't get on well."

"Oh, why was that?"

_He beat me, raped me, and broke me. I stole from him, escaped him, and killed his brother_. I held his gaze. "Some stories I'm not ready to tell."

"Fair enough." He rubbed the back of his neck and stretched. "Why don't you turn in and get some sleep. I'll take first watch."

"But you're wounded."

"So are you. Get some rest, Captain's orders. And the Doc's too no doubt."

I sighed in resignation and moved away from the hearth to a spot on the floor. It was cold but not as cold as sleeping on the ground would have been. I used my satchel as a pillow and wrapped by short coat around me and snuggled down into it as far as I could for warmth. I lay there for a long time thinking on the dead planet around us. I couldn't imagine the destruction and devastation that had made this place unable to sustain life. I remembered learning that the fallout from the weapons tech had played a large part in the fall of Shadow. The water was either dried up or poisonous and so much radiation still infected the earth and the air that extended time on the surface would make you sick, longer would kill you. We and the thieves had a very small window of time to get off Shadow before we started feeling the effects. Had Mal's mother lived through the War? Was she relocated off world or did she die here and now lay buried in the land that was hers?

I was wound tight as a spring. I wanted to sleep but… Mal and I were alone on an entire planet, in the middle of miles of barren country. _He is not Aldren Reeve, you have to trust him_. I wanted to, badly. But old habits and fears did not easily die. My head said close your eyes stupid girl and sleep. Yet the battered pieces of my broken heart whispered if I closed my eyes he would make his move. Exhaustion finally won out and I fell into the deep black of sleep.

_The Valkery's engines were humming below decks, the vibrations traveling up under my feet in the galley as I hurried to get dinner on the table for the men. A thick stew simmered on the range and I cut up slices of dense dark bread as the men came in. I tried to hurry when serving and not linger but the men pinched and pawed anyways. Daws reached out and tried to pull me to him. I wrenched away and fell into Declan, Aldren's brother. He shoved me away violently and I stumbled toward the head of the table spilling stew from the pot onto the tabletop and knocking Aldren's mug of ale into his lap. His men laughed as Aldren jumped up, trousers soaked. I smiled, until Aldren grabbed my wrist so hard the bones ground together. I gasped and tried to pull away. He only grasped my pinkie finger and wrenched it until it broke. I screamed as pain crashed in so intense black spots swam before my eyes and my stomach heaved. The men had gone silent. Aldren leaned in close as he let my hand go. "Never spill anything on me again Hawke, or next time it will be your hand I break." I clumsily cleaned up the mess and went to retreat to my corner in the galley until the crew was done eating, trying not to bump my finger. "Where are you going Hawke? I'm not done with you yet." Aldren said his tone cold. "Everyone out, except for Daws and Declan." The crew exited with haste, grabbing up bowls and bread as they left the galley. Aldren grabbed me around my waist and swung me up onto the table top. My fingers hit the metal and I gasped in pain. Aldren began pulling at my clothes. _

"_No! Please, I won't do it again." I struggled to get away but Aldren pinned me to the dining table. _

"_This lesson isn't for you Hawke, it's for them. To never touch what is mine." _

"NO Captain! No! No!"

"Liara? Liara!"

I opened my eyes and sat up, the familiar pain in my torso jarring me awake. I wasn't on the Valkery, but on Shadow. Aldren Reeve wasn't before me it was Mal who knelt beside me in concern. His brown coat was draped over me.

"Liara, you're shaking." He had an arm around my shoulders. I bowed my head and took a couple breaths and fought off the urge to cry. _When would this stop?_ Mal tilted my head up and for a heartbeat I wanted to lean into him. "You okay?" he took his hand away. It was still dark but I could read the concern in his face.

"I'm okay Captain. Just a nightmare. Thanks." My voice shook. He didn't let me go until I had calmed and the trembling had subsided. It didn't escape me that this was the second time I had awoken in a memory induced terror to find myself in Mal's arms. It was alarming and confusing, yet in those moments I felt safe.

"How's Starfire?" I asked.

He stared at me a moment. "Restless. No doubt he's hungry. We've no feed or safe water to give him till me meet up with Serenity."

"What time is it?" I stretched. My ribs needed some attention. Mal helped me stand. I was stiff, but not as cold thanks to Mal's coat.

"Still a few hours before dawn, I suspect. You slept for a couple. Everything's quiet, no sign of our horse thieves."

I held out his coat. "Thanks, Mal. I can take over watch, you should get some sleep."

"Ordering your Captain around?" he joked.

"Aye, I'm not too keen on going back to sleep at the moment."

"Liara, the captain in your nightmare…"

"It wasn't you, Mal."

He nodded curtly and lay down in the spot I had vacated. I dug the jar of salve from my satchel along with some jerky and gave the little bag back to Mal for a pillow. He lay there, wrapped in his coat, one hand on his gun. I took a seat on the hearth again but didn't turn the torches back on. I sat in the dark, finding the silence comforting and strange, no owls hooting, no bats fluttering around, no crickets singing. It was eerily quiet except for Mal's even breathing and Starfire shifting in the kitchen.

Mal trusted me enough to give me a turn at the watch, to sleep while I watched his back. He had had mine tonight after the nightmare. _Trust him; he's proven himself time and again_. Kaylee trusted him. Inara and Zoe did as well; they were not the type of women to let a man make them victims. _Unlike me_. They wouldn't be aboard his ship if they didn't trust him. All I could do was try, let my walls down a bit and pray I wouldn't regret it.

Finally, dawn emerged. Slowly the room around me because truly visible. The sky outside the broken windows was a gray blue that began gently bleeding into a peach shade. Is that what a poison sky looked like? Mal was still asleep and my ribs needed some salve on them before we rode again. Off the big room were hallways that branched out into smaller spaces. I wandered back there, careful not to step in any of the holes in the floor or trip over piles of rubble and splintered wood. One room had a big window and a clearer floor than the rest so I stepped inside. Placing my salve on a fallen beam that lay on the floor, I stifled a groan and pulled my tunic up over my head. Turning my back on the door I unwrapped my abused ribs. I wouldn't be able to reach my back but I quickly and gently rubbed the cool cream on my bruises and ribs. Then taking the old bandages I wound them as tight as I could bear around my body again, tucking the ends snug and secure.

As I was finishing up something caught my attention near the window. It was a growth chart carved into the wall; the tick marks in inches had darkened with time. I ran my fingers over the name at the top. Malcolm. A board creaked and I spun to see Mal striding towards me. Without a word he put his hand over my mouth and pushed me into the corner of the room with hardly an inch between us.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa 

Mal came awake slowly, taking in the sun flooding the front room of his childhood home that would never be the same in his memory as it had been. He had dreamed of what might have been had the War not come to Shadow. Ma's hair had been a little more gray, her face a little more careworn. She had been in her kitchen baking up a storm while hands came and went. Mal had arrived with a feisty wife on his arm. The warm and cozy home had disintegrated around him into the ruin he had gone to sleep in. He shook off the dream and glanced toward the hearth and was instantly awake and on his feet, pistol in hand. Liara was gone. He scanned the room and moved to the kitchen, to his relief Starfire was still there dozing.

A noise in the back of the house had him stalking slowly down the hallway, gun at the ready. He peered around the doorway of his old room to find Liara, her tunic lay on the floor and she was seeing to her ribs. He had meant to step back and give her privacy but stood transfixed. Her shoulders were pale and smooth, her torso a motley collection of multi-colored bruises. Even worse was her back, crisscrossed with silvery, puckered whiplash scars. They were long healed but Mal felt a sour and burning anger in the pit of his stomach at the sight of them.

She stepped forward and touched his old growth chart with a gentle gesture as Mal heard boot scuffs from outside. Through the broken window two of the thieves were circling the cabin. One was tall and thin, wiry as whipcord, the other man short and stocky but heavily muscled and both were armed. Any moment now they would see Liara at the window. He rushed in and pushed her into the corner, covering her mouth with a hand and shielding her body with his. He looked down at her; she was shaking again, her hands pressed against his chest as if to ward him off. Green-gray eyes stared back at him in naked terror. He cursed himself, had he undone all the tentative trust he'd been building with her?

He took his hand away and pressed a finger to his lips, tilting his head toward the window. Little by little the fear left her eyes replaced by wariness. Her cheeks bloomed pink as she glanced down at herself and must have realized she was standing there in trousers, bra and bandages. They both stayed where they were however, listening as the thieves made their way around the house.

"I'm telling you, Daws said Hawke was one of the ones who let the horses free last night."

"If he's right, imagine Aldren's face if we not only brought back the horses but his little bird as well."

Mal looked at Liara. She had gone pale.

"Aye, maybe he'd forget about this little mess."

"He doesn't have to know they got loose in the first place, Banes. He's not a forgiving man after all."

"True, I wouldn't want to be Hawke when the Captain gets her back. He's been trying to track her down for months. After what happened with Declan…"

"Shut up, I hear something."

Liara's eyes were wide again. He hands curled around his coat as if to hold onto him. Girl was a confusin' mix of emotions that was certain. He put a hand on her shoulder, he wasn't about to let them take her back. But they had to get Starfire and meet up with Serenity on the ridge. As the men moved towards the front door, Mal moved keeping Liara behind him. She gathered her tunic and coat and slipped them on, pulling her pistol from the holster and they slowly went to the kitchen.

Starfire was alert and shifted his weight. How to get out of the cabin? With only one door large enough to get Starfire through, they would draw too much attention trying to knock a wall out, didn't make sense to. Liara pet Star's nose and tried to keep him still, the thieves didn't know they were here yet. But it was only a matter of moments before they searched the cabin.

"_Ai ya, wo mun wan leh_," Mal muttered darkly.

"Captain, I have an idea." Liara whispered.

"I'm all ears."

"They have to come in the front door, only way in or out. I can distract them as they come in, you can take out one and I can handle the other."

"I don't think…"

"They won't shoot me, any more than they would shoot the stallion. I'm worth too much."

This last bit she said through clenched teeth, her hands balled into fists. "Well, we don't have many options holed up as we are. Let's give it a try." He whispered back. "I'll have Starfire ready for us to bolt. Our rendezvous time is slipping away."

Boot heels hit the porch with hollow thuds. Liara slowly moved towards the center of the room across from the door. She slumped and crouched like she was wounded, grabbing her side where her holster was. She nodded at him. Here goes nothing. He moved behind the door against the wall, Starfire was antsy behind him. He hoped the horse wouldn't spook and run him over.

"Place looks abandoned Spaulding."

"Makes a good hiding place you dolt. Bet you a bottle that chit and the horse are in here."

"I'll take that bet, place is a wreck."

The door was kicked open. Mal gripped Star's halter as he tossed his head. Liara now stood in a bar of light from the open portal. She threw one of her hands up and acted terrified. "Don't shoot! Please!" she pleaded as she gasped and grasped her side. Mal waited with a racing heart as the men slowly came into the cabin.

"Lookee here Banes! It's Aldren's pet hawk just like Daws said."

"Hawke! How's 'bout you tell us where that horse is and we'll all go meet up with the Captain. He's been pining for you." They took a few more steps toward the girl, guns trained on her.

She paled. "I…I" She met Mal's eyes and at the moment unfolded herself with pistol in hand. In that same second he stepped around the door and punched the thin balding one, Spaulding, in the gut. He curled around his stomach as Mal hit him on the back of his head and he collapsed on the floor. A shot went off, Star tried to rear and Mal gripped the rope and turned toward the girl. She stood, her pistol aimed at the stocky thief, Banes. His black hair tied back in a horsetail. The bullet has buried itself in the floor at his feet. He froze. "Drop the gun Banes."

"You _jien hwo_!" Banes spat.

"Drop it," she said coldly. Mal could see her trying not to shake.

"Okay, okay." Banes bent as if to put the gun on the floor. Then jerked upright, gun in hand. Liara fired again, this time she put a hole in the thief's boot and his foot along with it. He fell to the floor with a hoarse cry, dropping his gun and grabbing his foot.

Mal got Star under control and went and picked up Banes' gun and tucked it into his coat. He aimed his own pistol at the whimpering man. Liara stepped up and put a hand on his arm. "Let's go Captain. It will be punishment enough when Aldren gets here and finds them empty handed."

"Aye, time to get to Serenity." They got outside and he gave Liara a leg up and clambered up behind her on Starfire. He took one last look at the homestead as Liara urged Star into a gallop and they headed towards Fraser's Ridge.


	18. The Next Move

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity people, places or things.

Chapter 18

The Next Move

My hands gripped the reins so hard my knuckles stood out pale as bone. That confrontation had pushed me to my limits. I had come so close to having an episode back there, facing down Aldren's men. I swallowed the copper tang of blood on my tongue from where I had bit down on my cheek. It had felt like I was another person when I shot Banes. Someone I hadn't known when I lived at home. This other me had been born of desperation and survival during my days on the Valkery. I would do anything to be free and to stay that way. This was part of who I have now become, yet it frightened me. The last time I had felt like this was the night Declan…_No not now, you can't handle that memory right now. _I forced it back as far as I could into the deep recesses of my mind, knowing all too soon it would creep up again.

Mal was silent behind me except to direct me to our waiting ship. I took a deep breath. It was heartening to know that I could handle myself, this made twice we had won out over Aldren's goons. I was exhausted through and through and Mal's arms at my waist seemed to not so much anchor him, as to keep me upright and on our steed.

"Liara, where did that come from back there?" Mal asked his breath warm above my ear.

"From somewhere I don't like to go Mal. Desperate measures…"

"Aye, despite that you got us away. You have my thanks."

"I didn't do it single handed Captain."

"No matter, Liara. You held it together, came up with a plan on the fly and now we'll live to fight another day, or keep runnin'."

"Thank you." I replied. A little glow warmed my heart.

We made it to the ridge without further trouble. The sight of Serenity waiting there for us was the most beautiful thing I think I'd ever seen; in my short time aboard she was beginning to feel like home. Zoe and Jayne came out to meet us, weapons at the ready just in case.

"Let's get off this rock Zoe."

"Aye, sir." She punched a button and spoke to Wash as the bay doors closed behind us. The rest of the crew came to meet us and Book took Star's reins and held him in place while Mal hopped down and helped me off the animal.

"Thanks Shepherd. He needs some food and water. I'll give him a good brush down…"

"That will have to wait Miss Hawke." I looked over my shoulder at Simon who was eyeing Mal and me with a stern set to his jaw. "You as well Captain, infirmary now please."

Quiet and proper though he was, it seemed out Doctor could be stubborn. He stood and stared us down until we began to follow him to the sick bay. "Yay, my favorite place." I muttered. Mal must have heard me for he chuckled as he followed behind. The white and silver space was as clean and tidy as when we left.

Simon rifled in a drawer and pulled out a blister pack of little yellow pills. He gave us each one and a tiny paper cup of water. "These will counteract any effects of the radiation you might have been exposed to out there." We tossed them back without hesitation. Mal made to leave. "Captain?" Simon called out. Mal turned. "Your arm?"

"Just a graze, doesn't need stitches."

"A clean bandage then?"

"See to Liara first Doc, I'll wait outside." Mal nodded to me and stepped out.

"Any problems?" Simon asked turning to me.

"Just some minor pain, and … uh, I got pulled off a horse." I pulled up my tunic as he examined my ribs and disposed of the old bandages.

"You're lucky that little incident didn't break any ribs. As it is there is new bruising." He applied some salve and on went fresh bandages. I sighed. "Any other injuries, how about your memory lapses?"

"I…I managed to keep focus during a confrontation we had but I had a vivid nightmare while we camped there overnight."

"I'm afraid that will happen. There isn't much I can do for that; the mind is a delicate and mysterious thing. Take that herbal tincture if it helps. These intense and traumatic memories seem to have to work themselves up and out of your subconscious."

"Like a splinter?"

"More like drawing out poison. Until the past no longer frightens you, you find what you are looking for or you face down your fear, these will continue to happen as you heal. When you are ready to share what you've been through that will help as well."

"Thanks, Doc. I will keep that in mind." I scooted off the table.

"Get some rest, Liara. Then see to the horses after, please." He said firmly.

I opened my mouth to argue but Mal had come back in. "Doc's right, I don't often say that do I? You're weaving' where you stand Liara. The horses are being looked after. Hit your bunk for a few, we won't starve either while you rest."

I was too tired to argue and nodded at both men and made my way around the corner to my waiting bed. Thankfully no dreams plagued me and I fell asleep almost instantly.

oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Mal flexed his arm as he left the sick bay and headed toward his own cabin, not for a rest but a change of clothes. He tossed his battered, brown coat on the bunk and changed. Upon climbing out he found Zoe waiting for him.

"How are things Zoe?"

"Fine, Captain. Glad to see you back in one piece sir."

"Some of that credit goes to Liara. Girl can keep a cool head and hatch a plan. You two have that in common Zoe. The horses stowed?"

"Remind me to thank her. Aye the animals are all secure, fed and watered. Where is Liara?"

"Taking a much earned rest for a bit. Any word from Kae?"

"Not yet, sir."

"I'll go send a Wave that her animals are on board. She'll let us know where to rendezvous."

"Mal?" Wash called from the bridge. "You might want to come up here."

Mal sprinted up the steps to the helm, Zoe followed. "What is it Wash?"

"Another ship is entering Shadow's atmo; we are almost out of it. Reavers you think?"

"No, Wash. Merc ship. It's here to pick up the horses we've stolen back. We need to put some moons between us and them sharpish. Full burn as soon as we're free of the atmo Wash."

"Sure thing, Mal." Wash flipped some switches and hit the com. "Going full burn people." Mal gripped the back of the empty flight chair as the Black surrounded them. The Firefly went full burn; he could picture the tendrils of energy leaving a glowing trail between the stars, a thing of beauty. They should be well away before the mercs realized the horses were no longer on Shadow. Before the captain decided his next move, Mal would be ahead of him. But to do that he needed some more information that only Liara could provide. He thought back to those scars marring her skin, the nightmare that left her shaking in his arms. It wouldn't be pleasant for her to share about her former captain but it was unavoidable if they were to finish this job and come out alive.

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

I woke with a deep sigh and stretched. The dull ache of my ribs as familiar as an old friend now. Would I feel it forever? My bunk was snug and dark and quiet. I flipped the lights on but moved quietly as I knelt by the bed and reached beneath the thin mattress. When my fingers brushed something I let out a relieved sigh. It was still here, no one had bothered my room while I was gone. I pulled out a long object wrapped in the remains of an old apron. With a glance toward my closed door I unwrapped it and lay it on the bed. It was a beautiful ornamental knife, no, not a knife, a dirk, almost a short sword. The blade was dark with age; the iron hilt was pewter hued and dull in need of a good polish as did the fiery green stone set in the pommel. It was ancient, an artifact from Earth-that-was. Not an original, that wouldn't have survived the test of time. It was what collectors called a reproduction, but that in of itself was ancient and priceless. Aldren had acquired it years before I was aboard his ship. He always said he would sell it and make a fortune, but he still held on to it. It became a symbol of his power and authority, until the night I escaped. For a moment the blade before me was crimson with blood. I shut my eyes and took a deep breath.

There came a knock on my panel door. I hastily wrapped the dirk and shoved it beneath my bunk once again. Breathing in a steadying breath I answered the door. It was Jayne.

"Jayne, did you need something?"

"I found these in the cargo. Thought you could use them." He held up a couple of grooming brushes and a curry comb.

"Thanks! Just what we needed." I stepped out and closed the door behind me. "How's the head?" I asked looking up at him.

"Better, thanks," he said almost awkwardly. "Had quite a night out there yourself did ya? You and the Captain shacked up somewhere." He smirked.

I wanted to roll my eyes; instead I let a sly smile play on my lips. "I've had colder nights, that's for sure. I have new respect for what you do Jayne." I said sincerely. Then, because I couldn't resist. "Imagine, if you hadn't dropped that crate you would have been in my place. All shacked up with the Captain." I took the brushes from him with an impish smile. "You still owe me a rematch," I called back to him.

"Don't worry, I ain't forgot." He called after me.

Apparently I was still riding the wave of confidence from our victory over Banes and Spaulding. Now I was messing with Jayne again. Who knew how I would feel tomorrow. Our job was far from over after all. The horses were quietly settled in and seemed to be faring well despite being in a transport ship and not on solid ground. I almost tripped over River as I went down the line of the half dozen stalls. She was sitting at the hooves of a bay mare, feeding her tidbits. The horse would bend down her graceful neck and take them from the girl. River smiled. I searched my memory for the horse's name. River's Song. I felt a prickle on the back of my neck. _Don't be such a ninny. Someone probably told her its name. _ I left them breathing in each other's faces and went down to Starfire's stall. He nickered when he saw me and tossed his head. I rubbed his nose and gave his head a scratch right between his beautiful brown eyes. I pulled some dried fruit out for him as I stepped into his stall and began to groom him. The cargo bay was quiet except for the little sounds the horses made but it was peaceful. The rasp of brush over Star's silky, black coat was soothing and the motion relaxed me, surrounded by musk of horse.

A memory drifted forth before my eyes, soft as the fall of autumn leaves. I can't recall my first time on a horse; my family had started us so young. But I remember my first solo trek on the trail to check the ranch fences. Just me and Ember, a gorgeous palomino gelding my father had gotten me who stayed with Aunt and Uncle on Harvest. It was an overnight trip, the boys and our cousins thought I wouldn't be able to handle sleeping in the open. They placed bets that I would be back before nightfall yet I was determined to finish the job. It had rained that night, a fearsome thunderstorm, but Ember and I had found refuge in a rocky outcrop where huge slabs of stone leaned to create a natural lean-to. The satisfaction of returning to the ranch, my scouting done was one of my fondest memories, or rather the look on the boy's faces as their jaws dropped in disbelief as me and Ember trot up to the front porch right as rain. I smiled, aye one of my favorite memories.

"Need a hand?" I looked around Star's neck to see Kaylee standing there, her hands deep in her cover all pockets.

"Sure, he's a big guy. Lots of horse to groom." I passed her a brush and gave her a few tips. We worked in silence for a minute or two. "How were things on Serenity while we were gone?"

"Oh, not much excitement. Jayne was madder than a wet hen cause he wasn't on the job. Simon kept threatening to drug him if he didn't calm down. When Zoe came back with the horses but without you and the Cap, we were all a bit worried, until he radioed in that you were safe and undercover for the night. Zoe was fit to be tied that she left you 'all out there."

"We were perfectly safe, overnight anyways. We found …a cabin to bunk down in." Kaylee raised an eyebrow at me. "What?"

"Details."

"Nothing to tell. We took turns on watch and then had a scuffle in the morning with the thieves, nothing serious." I shrugged.

"Huh, getting you to tell a story is like pulling teeth Liara." She sighed, resigned but smiled at me.

What was I going to tell her? I had watched Mal sleep? I had, but to say that out loud sounded creepy. That he had shoved me up against a wall while I was half dressed? _Good grief!_ I didn't even know how to feel about that. I blushed in calling it to mind. I tried to duck behind Star so she wouldn't see.

"Something interesting happened didn't it? You've gone all red!" She insisted gleefully. She leaned in and whispered conspiratorially. "Do you fancy…"

"I don't know how I feel about anything at this point." I said, cutting her off.

"Feel about what?"

I closed my eyes and laid my head against Star's side. Then I turned and looked at Mal, my cheeks ablaze. I wasn't about to answer his question.

"Don't you know its rude to eavesdrop, Cap." Kaylee said brightly.

"Sorry ladies. Kaylee I need to speak with Liara, could you give us a minute?"

"Sure thing Captain." Our mechanic gave me one of her sunny smiles and a wink. I rolled my eyes but smiled back and continued to brush down Star where she had left off.

"What's on your mind Captain?"

He moved closer. "I need your help again. I need to know about the captain of the Valkery."

I almost dropped my brush, as my hands started to shake. I hid them from his view and took a breath. "Why?"

"I need to know if he will come after us. What type of man he is. I need the whole picture from you. I know this won't be easy and I'm sorry for that." He answered quietly.

I balled my empty hand into a fist and turned to face him. Simon had told me that it would be good to share, might lessen the power over me, and take some of the fear away. When I was ready. _Was I ready? Did I have a choice?_ I glanced up at Mal; his blue eyes were kind and concerned, for me. Yes, I had a choice. Mal wouldn't force me to tell him. _He wouldn't force you to do anything against your will._ Our time on Shadow had shown me that. I stepped out of Star's stall and handed him a brush and nodded at the next horse, the blue roan gelding. He followed me into the stall and we groomed the horse together.

After a minute to gather my thoughts I began my story. "I best start at the beginning of this unfortunate adventure. My home was an empty nest. All the Hawkes had flown, except for me. My father and brothers were lost to the War; my mother was gone, for her grief had been the end of her. It was unbearable those weeks after; I was lost like a fledgling that had been left behind without a way to fly along after. Then I got the wave from Braden. It gave me hope but I became obsessed with finding him. I tried to find a ship that could take me away so I could search. But my mother's society friends wallowed in their grief and were no help to me. The others refused to help, still enraged that father had taken up for the Browncoats, despite that it had cost him his life. They held onto their disgust and turned me away. So I went to my servants, those I hadn't dismissed and I got a list of names and ships that might be what I needed.

I was naïve despite all my schooling and too trusting. The Valkery seemed to fit the bill; its Captain Aldren Reeve was charming and handsome and seemed a gentleman. He offered me a job to pay my passage. My trust was tied up by the Alliance pending an investigation, blah blah. So money was an issue. For the first few months I enjoyed being on the Valkery. The crew was respectful and the captain very attentive. I didn't realize then that he was studying me, finding my weak points, getting me to trust him and biding his time. Until one night he cornered me in the pantry supply and took what he wanted." I stopped. I had ceased brushing the horse.

"Liara, you don't have to-"

"No, Mal. I need to. I stupidly thought that he would drop me off on some moon somewhere now that he'd gotten what he wanted. But I was wrong. He made me his slave. The weeks and months that followed, he showed me his true face. He was ruthless and cruel; stopping at nothing until he got what he felt was his. I fought him every time, he tried to beat me into submission and he enjoyed inflicting pain on others." I took a deep shaking breath, aware that the rest of me was shaking too. Mal gently guided me out of the stall and sat me on a crate.

"You can stop now."

"He chained me to his bunk, Mal. Every night. One night he had been drinking heavily with the men, to celebrate some heist, some job that had completed. He passed out drunk and I managed to separate the chain from my manacles and made my way off the ship. We were docked on some border rim moon. I made it to the Night Market before they came for me. I tried to find help but the people ignored my cries."

I couldn't help it, memory surged and I was back in the Market sprawled on my face after Royce had tackled me.

"_Slippery one ain't she?" he asked Sims. _

"_Let's get her back to the ship."_

"_Help! Someone, please!" I cried to the onlookers._

"_No use, you dumb chit, you've run to the slave market. No one cares." Sims said._

_Tears of frustration and fear fell hot and fast as they dragged me back to my hell. I fought and struggled but did no good. Aldren met us in the cargo bay, looking surprisingly sober. _

"_Shiong-mung duh kwong-run! I screamed at him. He nodded at his men and they bound my wrists and ankles to one of the support beams in the cargo hold. My back was to Aldren. _

"_Tried to fly away my little bird?" He came up behind me, up against me and growled in my ear. "You are mine Hawke, always will be. You will never leave this boat again unless I let you. Never do anything unless I let you." _

"_Niou-se!" I spat._

"_Time to clip your wings, little bird." He tore at my tunic and it fell in strips at my bound feet. I tried to look over my shoulder at him as he stepped away and uncoiled a whip. My breath caught in my throat. He snapped his wrist and a stripe of fire flared across my shoulders so shocking I couldn't breathe. The strokes kept coming. I could feel my skin split and smell the metallic tang of my own blood as it ran down my back. I screamed. _

"_Never again, Hawke!" Each word was a searing blow of the whip. "Say it! Say it Hawke! Never again! Tell me that you are mine!" _

"_No!" My throat was raw from my screams. _

"_I don't stop until you do, or you die, whichever comes first." Another stroke fell. _

"_No!" 8 – 9 – 10. Tears streamed. I prayed for sweet black oblivion to swallow me but it didn't. I sagged in my bonds gasping. 11 – 12 – 13. "Never…"_

"_What was that Hawke? I didn't hear you." 14 – 15 – 16 _

_I broke. "I am yours! I am yours!" I sobbed. Then I screamed and screamed._

"Liara! Liara!"

I felt a sharp pressure on my neck that snapped me out of the waking nightmare. I was hanging in Mal's grasp, held up by my arms. I tried to get my feet back under me. Simon was beside me with a pressure syringe in hand. Things began to go foggy. My throat was raw, had I been screaming? Mal's face was white, his eyes stood out like sapphires in snow. My body went limp and my Captain scooped me up as sleep reached out and gathered me in its dark embrace.

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Liara's face shifted as she paused in her dismal tale and became so distorted with pain and fear that Mal felt his breath catch. She came toward him on unsteady feet, her eyes transfixed on his face but without seeing or being aware of where she was. He had seen her like this before. He grabbed her arms and she began to _scream_. Pure terror. The horses started and spooked in their stalls. Simon came running into the bay from the infirmary and Inara came out onto the catwalk and soon joined them on the floor. He held Liara, not knowing what he could do for her. Zoe and Jayne rushed in and calmed the horses. Simon sedated Liara and saw to his sister who was on the ground, curled in a ball her arms around her head. Mal picked up Liara as the sedatives did their job. "Mal, what did you do?" Inara asked, shocked.

He swallowed. He was shaken to his core, "I didn't make her scream."

"Take her up to my shuttle Mal, it's quieter there. If Simon doesn't object." The good doctor was getting River on her feet and calming her much like Zoe was soothing the horses behind them. Simon nodded at them and they brought Liara into the shuttle and Mal laid her on bed. Inara covered her with a light blanket and the doctor soon joined them.

"Captain..."

"I didn't do anything. She as telling me about her life before she met us."

"Specifics." Simon ordered.

Mal let the Doctor's demanding tone slide, though he didn't like it. "I asked about her former captain, Aldren Reeve and she just shut down."

"You made her talk about…"

"I didn't _make_ her, she chose to. I told her to stop but she kept on. I didn't expect it to send her into a fit."

"_Run-tse duh fwo-tzoo_, Mal. That wasn't just a _fit_." Inara said quietly, looking at the sleeping girl.

"Captain, you've been with her before when she's had nightmares. It didn't occur to you that having her stir up memories might be too much for her to handle?"

"Doc that wasn't what I intended…" Mal defended, raising his voice.

"Please you two. You'll disturb her further." Inara scolded. "It's no one's fault. All that matters is that she will be all right."

"She will. But she will most likely have these from time to time until she heals. And even after she may still have to deal with them."

"Mal?" Wash called over the com.

Mal went to a panel outside the shuttle. "Wash, what is it?"

"We've gotten a wave from Borderland Ranch."

"Be right there." He looked in at Liara.

"Go on Mal, I will stay with her so she won't be alone." Inara told him gently.

Simon followed him out on the catwalk. "Did you get the information you needed Captain?" he asked coldly.

Mal stopped and faced his medic. "Aye, I learned two things. Aldren Reeve will be coming for us."

"And the second?"

"When I meet Reeve face to face? I will riddle him with holes."

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Inara lit some incense, soothing vanilla and lavender and put her tea kettle on the warmer and poured herself a cup. Simon felt Liara's pulse.

"She is sleeping naturally now. I must check on River but let me know if she has another lapse."

"We will be fine." Inara replied calmly, arranging her black and silver skirts around her as she took a seat on her settee. She sipped her tea and watched Liara sleep. What a tale she must have, a hard one though she hoped one day that Liara would confide in her. Poor Mal, he had been so shocked for a moment, completely at a loss. While Mal was still a mystery in many ways he still was a man. It was her calling to know what men and women needed and how to read what they wanted. Mal wanted to help Liara. She was on his crew and he looked after them all. But there was something more there than just the need to protect. He was slowly building Liara's trust and it bothered him that she had been afraid of him initially. That was unlike their captain to care what others thought of him. Perhaps Liara had hit a soft spot in Malcolm Reynolds.

She sighed and looked down into her teacup. Serenity seemed to be a beacon for the lost. Even Mal was lost in the woods but he preferred it that way. Perhaps that was why his crew had found their way to him. Even she herself had cut her ties that kept her planet bound when she had left Sihnon. They all had their reasons for being in the Black and they had found each other. Now Liara had joined their most dysfunctional family searching for something she didn't know how to find while running from what made her broken. They would be there for her as well.

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I came awake slowly from the sweet oblivion of dreamless sleep feeling truly rested, but for a moment I didn't know where I was. My cheek rested on smooth satin, the air was hung with the scent of lavender and vanilla that reminded me of my mother. There was a quiet rustle and Inara sat on the bed beside me as I sat up with a cup of tea in her hand.

"Inara, how did I get here?" I croaked. She handed me the cup.

"Have some tea, _mei mei_. It is peppermint, I find it especially restorative."

"_Sheh- sheh_." I sipped it carefully. Aromatic steam wafted from the little handless cup.

"We brought you in after your…"

"My flashback, gorammit. Pardon me." I sighed. "Mal must think me insane."

"No, not at all." I shot her a look. "He was just a bit shocked. Your screaming was alarming."

"I feel so helpless and I hate that I can't control these flashes. Doc says best case they will eventually lessen with time but..."

"We are more used to this kind of thing than you realize."

I tipped my head in question. Ahh. "River?" I took another sip of tea. "I was remembering the night my former captain whipped me like a runaway slave. For that was what he made of me." Inara took my hand with a sad smile. "I need to find Mal."

"You need to rest. He will find you when he is finished. He got a message from the ranch."

"I'd rather find him myself, standing on my own two feet. Feel like half my time on Serenity has been spent sleeping."

"If you're sure you are recovered."

"I will let Simon know I'm up and about. No worries." I smiled at her and took one last swallow of tea. "Thank you Inara." I swept a graceful curtsy and left the shuttle.

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Mal stared at the com screen. The image was frozen there from the wave from Borderland Ranch. But it wasn't Kae who had contacted them, but her assistant Julian. The skinny young man had seemed unduly nervous, shifting his weight as he relayed Kae's instructions for the return on her animals.

"What do you think Wash? Bit odd Kae didn't take five minutes to send her own response?"

"Well, it is a bit. But he says she's got a lead on the security breach on her ranch. I don't blame her for giving that her full attention."

"Could be. We are to meet her two days from now at the Outpost on Paquin. We have enough time to stop and supply beforehand. The sooner Kae gets her horses back the better for everyone." Something felt off about the message but it had been a trying few days. "Set our course for Paquin Wash."

"Aye, Captain."

"Though we best be prepared for anything when we arrive."


	19. The Iron Star

Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/ Serenity People, Places or Things

Thanks to everyone reading and reviewing! To show my appreciation for you being patient with me, here is a super long chapter. Enjoy!

Chapter 19

Iron Star

I found Mal on the bridge with Zoe and Wash, upon seeing me he came down the steps and closed the door to the helm behind him. We had some privacy there on the cat walk.

"Liara, glad to see you up."

" _Sheh- Sheh_." Awkward. I shifted and resisted the urge to wring my hands. I glanced down at the grate beneath my feet, took a deep breath and looked back at my Captain. "I'm sorry for what-"

"No, you don't need to be. No harm done and you're in one piece."

"But…" I remembered how shocked he'd looked.

"Liara, it wasn't right for me to push you to share memories that sent you into a violent flashback. I should have realized what might happen. I didn't think. And I know better than most folks what it's like to have the past haunt you."

"No, Mal, it's not your fault. I needed to tell someone, and I chose to tell you. I…I understand if you'd rather not have me on your ship, putting the crew at risk."

"Is that what you want? Off Serenity?" he asked me seriously. He studied my face intently.

"No, I would like to stay." I replied almost shyly.

"Truce, then. Let's leave it at that. You are staying and we have a job to do. You proved to me you could keep it together on Shadow and I trust you, if you are up for it."

"Aye, Captain, I am."

"While we are clearing the air; I'm sorry for frightening you on Shadow."

"You didn't." I protested.

"You were terrified of me." He replied quietly. Mal took a few steps closer. I glanced at the closed cockpit door but didn't step away. He lowered his voice. "I promise you, Liara, I only want a woman who wants me," he stated plainly. "I am _not_ Aldren Reeve," he assured me earnestly and sincerely, looking me in the eye.

I felt my cheeks flush but I straightened and returned his gaze. "I accept that apology Captain." I was stunned. Few men in my experience would have done as he had.

"Good, you're my crew. We look out for each other." He offered me a slight smile and I returned it. "Now, back to business. We received a wave from Kae's assistant from Borderland Ranch to meet on Paquin to make the exchange. We are headed there now."

"I'd like to see this job through." I told him firmly.

"Thought you might. You and Zoe will be with me when we make planet fall."

"Any sign of the Valkery?" I was proud of the fact that my voice didn't waver.

He paused. "Aye, as we left Shadow's atmo they were spotted entering. They won't find us."

I let out a breath I hadn't realized I was holding. "Thank you Captain."

"Relax Liara. No need to be so formal." Humor colored his voice.

I realized I stood at attention, like at the Flight Academy when reporting to a superior officer. I chuckled nervously and relaxed my stance. "If that's all for now, I'd like to get started on lunch for the crew."

"Vittles! Don't let me keep you." He nodded at me. I turned on my heel and headed for the galley.

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Mal opened the hatch door to the helm again. Zoe stood with arms crossed looking out into space, Wash trying his hardest to look uninterested. Mal grunted. "What?"

Wash put his hands up. "Don't look at me Mal!" and promptly began fiddling with his instrument panel again. Zoe turned to face him.

"Out with it Zoe, if you were dropping eaves a moment ago." She regarded him stoically and uncrossed her arms.

"You just seem not yourself lately sir."

"Not myself?" He echoed.

"With Liara." She replied tersely.

"Meaning?" Mal was at a loss.

She let out a pent up sigh. "Last time we picked up a girl you got a weak spot for it almost cost us our lives."

"She's no Saffron, Zoe." He replied firmly.

"She is hiding something. You convinced me she wasn't some delicate flower on Shadow, yet you treat her as such. Perhaps that is exactly what she wants you to think."

"You think she's faking these nightmares to manipulate me?" He didn't like where this thought was heading.

"Saffron played us for fools acting as the innocent. I'm not going to dismiss the idea." Zoe said coldly.

"I'm only trying to help Liara, Zoe. I knew her father, no matter how brief and I feel I owe it to him to look after his daughter." Mal shifted his feet.

"Is that all it is, sir?" Zoe asked, raising a slender eyebrow.

Mal knew it wasn't, that deep down there was much more to it, but he couldn't explain it to himself at the moment, he wasn't going to try to explain it to her. "She saved my _pee-goo_ back on Shadow, the least I can do is keep her on. That's the end of it, for now, we have work to do. Wash, keep trying to reach Kae on her private channel. We best get prepped to make land fall Zoe."

"Aye, sir." She swept past him without looking and left the bridge. Zoe had always had his back and given him sound advice over the years but they would have to agree to disagree about Liara for the time being. His first mate didn't want to be made a fool of again, he got that. But they had a job to finish, and they would need all the help they could get.

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The cargo bay smelled strongly of horse and hay, but it wasn't an unpleasant aroma. The animals seemed happy enough, well fed and content since we had stopped for supplies. Perhaps they knew the end of their journey with us was in sight. Whatever it was it made our jobs that much easier and we hadn't had any mishaps with Kae's equines. Now we were making our approach to Paquin, headed for Dwyer's Outpost and our good captain wanted to make sure we knew where we were supposed to be. We all clustered in a loose circle and listened to Mal.

"Right, remember, Kaylee and Book, no unloading the horses until we bring Kae to the ship. Wash, where will you put her down?"

"Well under the horizon and out of sight of the outpost. No one should know we've arrived."

" And keep an ear to the ground and an eye on the sky for any other ships. Especially that merc vessel. Zoe?" He turned to his first mate, who stood beside him.

"Yes, sir. You and I and Liara will go scout for Kae in town, what town there is, and get her to the ship."

"Jayne?" Mal turned his attention to our own Mr. Cobb. The big guy mumbled. I did feel sorry for him. He'd been missing out on the action lately and clearly didn't like it one bit. "Can't hear you, Jayne."

"Watch the ship."

"You and Vera will be on guard here, Shepherd, if you've a mind to, you can carry a weapon as well. My hope is you won't have to use it. Keep in contact while we are planet side. Doc, infirmary prepped in case?"

"Yes, as always." Simon said shortly, keeping a weather eye on River who was with the horses again, running her fingers through the gelding's mane.

"Something doesn't feel right about this exchange, be alert and look out for each other. _Dong ma_? Is the mule ready to go Liara?"

"Aye, Captain."

"Right, let's get in positions then and wait for landing." Wash darted back toward the bridge and the others moved on to their places except Zoe and the Captain and me. I went to check the horses; the break into atmo could be rough, especially with these older ships.

Mal shrugged into his newly patched and cleaned brown coat. I watched him touch the sleeve, looking for what had been a tear left by a bullet. I had made extra fine stitches, Mother would have been proud. I'd never shown much patience for domestic skills at home, or at the House. Though my instruction there had been with much more interesting skills to acquire. Learning to play an instrument for instance, or the graceful art of fan dances and ink painting. They had all taught the valuable lesson that there was art in precision, and small moments in time could make masterpieces to be proud of. Yet it warmed my heart to see Mal's mouth quirk at the corners in surprise at his repaired coat. Such a small thing.

His eyes found mine and he nodded his thanks. I smiled at him and turned back to Star to give his soft nose a pat. I would be sad to see the stallion go; I'd grown a bit attached in our time together. Never a smart thing to form a bond when the object in question doesn't belong to you. I glanced up at Mal, who was checking his pistol in its holster. _Not smart at all._ I stepped away from the horses and pulled my gun free doing a check myself.

I donned my jacket, made sure my hair was securely pinned up in its thick braid and joined Mal and Zoe by the mule. River came up beside me and touched my shoulder so lightly I almost didn't feel it. "River, did you need something?" Her hair was loose upon her shoulders and I almost smiled at the fragments of hay that stuck to the ebon locks.

"Don't go." She replied, her voice hushed, her dark eyes pleading and almost sad.

"Why River, why shouldn't I go?" I whispered back to the strange girl.

"The star." She said knowingly.

"Okay…?" _Now is not the best time to decipher riddles._

"The iron star burns." Her voice rose in warning and she gripped my sleeve with strong fingers.

My neck prickled. "Everything all right?" Mal asked, coming over.

"Aye, nothing to worry about, Captain." _It's just nonsense, doesn't mean anything._

"River, stay clear of the mule." Zoe admonished. We were planet side already. Wash was one heck of a pilot. The ship settled as Wash put her down gently on Paquin with a slight jostle that had the horses unnerved. With a long look at me, River moved from my side. The three of us hopped into the mule and watched the bay doors open to a bright sky, swirling dust and a blast of hot air.

Inara waved from the catwalk near her shuttle door. "Good luck!" she called.

Maybe it was because Mal was tense, or the oddness of River's words but a queasy sensation settled in my stomach. _I have a bad feeling about this._

We emerged from Serenity's bay and out into the sun as the dust swirled around us. I squinted up at clouds that were as fluffy as sheep in a meadow of blue sky. It was a beautiful day with the fresh air, the wind in my face and sun on my skin. But the pleasantness of the weather did nothing to dispel the knot of unease that sat in my stomach. With one hand on my holster I looked intently at the cluster of buildings we were fast approaching. I looked back but Serenity was already below the horizon.

Mal's radio crackled. "Aye, Wash we will be in Dwyer's Outpost shortly. Mal caught my eye and a corner of his mouth quirked. "Let's get this done."

Zoe slowed the mule and we rode into town at an almost leisurely pace. We still got the odd look from a couple of old timers playing mahjong at a battered old table in front of what might be the general store. A woman crossed the dusty square hauling water and paused as we passed. She hurried inside a trim little house facing the street. The pot of bright daisies that sat by her front door made me smile for a moment. We pulled up in front of the town pub. Good a place as any to do some business or kill time, I supposed.

Mal turned to us. "I'm thinkin we split up to look for Kae. Small town, only so many places she could be. Besides keep the locals at ease than if we keep all together."

Zoe and I nodded in agreement. "Aye, sir." She replied.

"Zoe, you and Liara check the general store and other shops for Kae. I'll take the pub."

"Alone sir?"

"Don't worry Zoe, not in a brawling mood." With that he ducked into the smoky space. Male voices and twittering girlish laughter floated out onto the street.

"Right then, let's go." Zoe said briskly. We passed a building, the sign that swung above the dusty path that was the main street read Dwyer's Outpost General Store. Sure enough the windows were filled with farming implements, bolts of fabric and glass jars of candy, anything a settler might need. Zoe looked past me and nodded down the street. "Why don't you check the Trading Post?" I nodded and kept walking trying to suppress the urge to look over my shoulder every second and shake off the feeling of being watched.

I laid a hand on my holster and entered the Trading Post. I nodded at the older man behind the counter, my eyes flitting over a wall covered with Wanted posters, items for sale, a missing person or two and other official Alliance notices, the sheets scrolling with urgent messages and hologram displays. I thought of Braden but nothing jumped out at me from the board of fluttering pages.

"Afternoon sir, I was hoping you could help me. I'm to meet a friend here in town today. Name's Kae, she's a bit shorter than me with reddish blonde hair…"

He scratched his salt and pepper beard that frothed over his chin and down his shirt front. "Nope, sorry. Can't help you there. Ain't seen anyone matchin' that scription."

"Thanks anyways." I stepped back outside and almost ran into a boy about ten or eleven.

He was a bit gangly with a messy mop of blonde hair that flopped over sharp brown eyes. He looked up at me. "I might a seen a lady looks like that."

"You have? Today?" I glanced around us.

He bounced forward on his bare feet. "Yep! I can show you where. Follow me!"

He went off like a shot. I thought for a split second that I should find Zoe first but the boy was almost out of sight now as he darted between buildings. "Wait!" I called and hurried after him. I went around and between the clap board buildings moving well away from the center of the Outpost town. I caught a glint of the tow head just ahead before he veered down another alleyway.

I rounded the corner and cursed myself all kinds of stupid as a burly pair of arms wrapped around me tight. A gag was shoved in my mouth and a hood thrown over my head before I could call out. I hadn't even caught a glimpse of who had me. I wrenched and wriggled, went limp tried to kick. Someone removed my jacket and my gun from my holster. I rocked back my head in hopes of catching a face with my skull. The thick cotton in my mouth muffled the screams I attempted. The hood smelled like oats, I thought, distractedly. I was well and truly caught. My wrists were then tied behind me and my ankles secured. Hands frisked me for other weapons; I clenched my jaw as they lingered in places. I voiced my outrage into my gag. One of them chuckled but other than that no one spoke.

The hands left me and I spun my body around to run, only to trip. _Your ankles are tied, idiot._ I fell hard, no one caught me and I couldn't catch myself. My head smacked against the ground hard enough to daze me. I was lifted and swung over a broad shoulder, head dangling, bouncing against a wide back. My head spun, I shut my eyes and tried not to be sick. With a gag in that wouldn't turn out well. I listened, paid attention to the direction we went in best I could but aside from the occasional grunts my assailants didn't speak. _I'm in big trouble._

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Mal tossed a coin on the counter for the bar keep even though the info hadn't been helpful. He turned his back on the bar and glanced over the locals clustered around battered tables playing cards and tossing back shots. Two girls in short silky robes, their eyes painted with long black lines , like cats eyes, passed between tables, bringing drinks, giving sly smiles and winks to the men. Leaving delicate touches here and there that held a promise of something more. He caught one girl's eye and she glided to him, looking him over as she approached. She seemed to like what she saw. The beads dangling from her jeweled hair sticks clicked together softly as she tossed her head. A smile stretched rouged lips across white, even teeth. She fluttered her black lined lashes at him.

" Can I help you cowboy?" she purred.

"Captain actually." He gave her a bit of a grin back. " Not the help you're thinking miss. Looking for someone, Kae Baradyn. Small woman, freckles, reddish short hair."

"Sorry Hon, no one's been in here that looks like that today. Sure I can't help you with something else?" She flicked the fan that hung from one slender wrist. It fell open to reveal gaily painted butterflies on the rice paper. She gracefully swept it before her face. Mal nodded and pressed a coin in her palm.

"Thanks miss. That's all I'll be needing."

" If you change your mind Captain Cowboy, ask for Elkee." She winked and moved on, sky blue satin swaying with her hips. Mal smirked a bit and watched her walk away. He straightened his coat and stepped back out into the hot sun and the dusty street. Zoe was making her way back to him as his radio spit some static.

"Come again Wash?"

"Mal! Kae's on the Com. We were _never_ supposed to come here. We've been set up!"

"Zoe!" His first mate hurried to his side. Her hand moving to her holster. Her brows were drawn together in concern as they listened to the com.

"Gets worse Mal. That ship, the Valkery? It's already here." Mal clenched his fists as the uneasy tension of the day became cold certainty shot through with a stab of fear. But not for himself.

He turned to Zoe. "Where's Liara?"

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My heart pounded in my ears along with all the blood in my head. Besides the beat of my pulse I could hear the scud of boots on gravel and dirt for a few minutes more. Then the heat of the sun on my skin lessened, the boots echoed on a wooden floor as we entered some structure ,who knows where. The air through the hood smelled of hot metal, a fire crackled nearby.

Who had grabbed me in this backwater town? Didn't Simon say he had gotten kidnapped by locals once when the crew had tried to sell some smuggled cattle? But how did these men know we had horses aboard? Maybe it was something else entirely. A stray thought skittered across my mind, I pushed it back. It couldn't be. But now that I had let myself think the idea it kept coming back. _Aldren_. My heart rate kicked up another notch. Suddenly hands grabbed me and swung me down off the shoulder and I was dumped on the ground on my side. I gasped in surprise as well as discomfort. They sat me up and I was leaning against a beam. I jerked away from their hands again. The footsteps retreated and a door creaked and shut behind them.

My view still consisted of the inside of the rough burlap sack over my head. _You are a Hawke. _I took a few deep breaths and forced myself to think. Yes, I was trussed up like a Christmas goose but if I stayed sharp I could make an escape. For instance I discovered that the wood post at my back had splinters sticking out near its base and I could feel a nail half out of the bean. Could I get my bonds loose with it?

I had worked one edge of the knot over the nail when I heard someone enter the space. I froze. The footsteps sounded on the boards, creaking as they gave beneath someone's weight. A tiny bit of air rushed by my skin, with my jacket gone I could feel it, as someone crouched before me. The hood was abruptly pulled off my head and I blinked as my eyes adjusted. My breath caught, my mind blanked and fear gripped my heart with an icy fist. Aldren Reeve brushed a stray hair off my forehead with a cold smile. "Hello Hawke, have you missed me?"

I stared into those storm cloud eyes paralyzed, as the nightmare became real once again. His voice seemed to resonate in my mind. Then I heard my father's voice as if it echoed from my bones. _You are a Hawke. Stand Fast._ My mind cleared with a snap. I wrenched away violently, all I succeeded in was tipping over. He pulled me back into a sitting position. I felt like gagging to feel his hands on me again.

He untied the course, dirty cotton rag. "Let's see that pretty mouth," He said pulling it away. I screamed as loud as I could. Maybe someone would hear me. He backhanded me quick and sharp. Teeth caught the lining of my cheek. I spit blood on his shirt. " _Liou coe shway duh biao-tze huh hoe-tze duh bun ur-tze!"_

He grabbed my hair and wrenched my head back. "You and I have a lot of catching up to do little bird." He looked down and crushed his lips to mine. Aldren pulled back with a chuckle licking the blood off his lip where I had bit him. "Hawke's found her fire again I see. Does your new captain like it rough as well?" His face stilled. I clamped my lips together. He stood and began to pace the floor. I realized we were in a forge, a Ferrier's shop perhaps. "Doesn't matter Hawke, you won't be returning to your ship. You are mine and the Valkery's waiting for us."

"I belong to no one, least of all you."

"As I recall, that's not what you said. Remember Hawke? The night you tried to escape?"

_The night he'd flayed me half to death. Don't flash back, don't you dare!_ Why would I need to flash back when the monster was with me in the here and now? I pressed my torn inner cheek to my teeth, the pain kept me sharp. " I did escape. I'd rather die than go back." I spit, trying to rid my mouth of the taste of his kiss.

"Go back you will. You have a lot to answer for. Where my dagger is for instance."

"What dagger?" I asked flippantly. If I kept him talking we'd stay here. If he got me on the Valkery…" Aldren came up and kicked me right in the ribs. My breath went out in a rush; I fell over and curled around my battered torso. It was misery trying to breathe. _Oh God, had a rib punctured my lung?_ I took small agonized breaths.

"Then there is the matter of Declan." He said deceivingly pleasant sounding but the rage simmered beneath. I stayed silent. "Seems you have a bad memory, Hawke. Perhaps you just need something to remind you." He bent down and tore the sleeve away from my upper arm. Then he turned to the forge, grabbed a pair of tongs and fished something out of the coals. It glowed eerily, red-hot revenge. It was the cuff bracelet he always wore, made of iron with a design of a sharp four pointed star. A small gasp escaped my bruised lips._ The iron star burns. _I struggled but he pinned me back against the post and pressed the make-shift brand into the flesh of my shoulder.

A scream tore itself from my throat as my skin sizzled and burned. The small made me gag, the pain made me retch. Spots swam before my eyes. _Don't pass out! If you're unconscious who knows what will happen. _I jammed the splinters of the post behind me beneath my fingernails; tears streamed down my cheeks. My body was one big ball of hurt. He sat back; the bracelet had cooled some, bits of my own burned flesh stuck to the iron. I turned my head and vomited. He plunged the bracelet into a bucket of water, quenching the heat with a hiss. He crouched down again and grabbed my face, forcing me to look in his eyes.

"Now, Hawke, you will carry my mark and never forget who owns your soul."

I gritted my teeth. "Never!" I hissed through them.

"So much fire little bird. Burn for me." He kissed me again. I pulled back and snapped my head into Aldren's face. He yelped and grabbed his nose with one hand, hitting me with the other. I felt my eye start to swell up.

"Sir?" We both turned. His men had returned. Aldren stood, wiping blood from his nose.

"I told you not to disturb me." He said, dangerously calm.

"Aye sir, it's just…" one man faltered. The other stepped forward.

"The ship with the horses, Captain. It's not where it should be."

"Go find it."

"But…"

"_Bee-Jway! Jing- tzang mei yong-duh_, the lot of you!" he looked back at me. "Where are they?"

I glared at him with all my hate and pain. If only looks could kill, he'd be a smoldering pile of ash. My body wanted to shake with shock. I kept it together by sheer force of will; refused to let him see my weakness. I looked up at him, silent. He grabbed the burn. I cried out, much as I didn't want to, he squeezed the tortured flesh. "Where!"

I gasped. "I don't know! Captain doesn't trust me enough. Dropped me off to find Kae, didn't tell me details." He searched my eyes, I hoped the pain would mask my lies. I never was a good liar. He sighed resigned and let go of my arm only to lean in and place a lingering kiss on my neck. His breath on my skin made it crawl.

" I hate to leave you, little bird. But don't you worry, we have plenty of time to get reacquainted back on Valkery." His voice low, his lips against my ear. " I have something special in mind for you." He turned to his men. "Hitch, take her to the ship. Willows, let's find our horses." He moved towards the door of the shack. "And Hitch, she better be in my bunk when we get back. If you recall Banes and Spaulding?"

Hitch paled noticeably. "Aye, Captain." With one last longing look Aldren was gone.

I eyed Hitch. He looked a bit overwhelmed and paced the floor looking over at me. I breathed as lightly as I could but shock was starting to set in. I felt behind me for the nail and began to work on my bindings again. _Stall him_. "So…what about Banes and Spaulding?" _Probably not the best topic of conversation. Oh, well._

" We left 'em. On Shadow. Poor scuts. Probably dead by now." He ran a hand over his close cropped hair. His wiry frame was fidgety as he clearly tried to think of the best way to get me back to the Valkery. _Uh,uh. That's not going to happen._ I grimaced I slipped and the nail dug into my palm.

"Bad way to go, even for a pair of thugs." I said quietly.

"Aye, that it is. I don't want to know firsthand, so let's go!"

I yanked on my bonds again. _Almost_. He pulled out his gun and trained it on me. "I'm tied up you idiot." He paused then holstered his weapon, reached down and yanked me to my feet. Unknowingly loosening the ropes on my wrists thanks to the sturdy nail they were caught on. I gripped the rope and acted like my hands were tied still. "I can't very well walk with my ankles tied can I?" He eyed me. There was no way he was strong enough to carry me to the ship. He was my height and slight and I sure as heck wasn't going to make it easy on him.

With a sigh he bent to get my ankles. Where did Aldren find these guys? That was one of Aldren's weaknesses. He couldn't stand to have anyone around more clever then himself. So he found men easy to scare and manipulate. He freed one ankle. I wrapped the rope in my hands around his throat and pulled. I gasped at the exertion, the rough fibers dug into my palms. He wriggled like a landed trout but I held on, draped down his back. I couldn't let go. My life depended on it. He spun and tried to get fingers between my improvised garrote and his throat. Finally, he went limp and folded to the floor. I didn't stop to check for a pulse, I pulled the gun from his hip and tore open the door and ran into the alleyway.

I quickly yet cautiously made my way down the lane, having to stop and lean on the surrounding walls to keep the dizziness at bay. _Get back to town, Mal and Zoe will be looking for you_. I staggered down a row of little boxy houses. A teenage girl came out one door, a bundle of clothes in her arms. "Excuse…me. Which way…to the…general store?" I panted. She eyed me suspiciously, eyes widening at my swollen eye and the gun in my hand.

"Down the lane here take a right, then the alley on the left and you'll hit the square."

"_Sheh-sheh_." I kept walking. I didn't have enough breath to scream, didn't dare stop in case Hitch was merely unconscious and in hot pursuit. I kept on, unaware of the tears that dripped down my bruised and dirty face. Sounds became fractured yet super sharp. Suddenly footsteps pounded the ground before and behind. _Well, I tried_. I went left down the alley and raised the stolen pistol.

"Liara!" I looked up. It was Mal and Zoe. "Move!" I threw myself to the side of the narrow lane as Hitch came up fast on my heels. A shot rang out and Aldren's man crumpled to the ground and lay still once again.

I turned to my captain, the gun slipping from numb fingers as my legs gave out and I slid down the wall grasping my side, wheezing. "Glad…to see…you could…make it."


End file.
